Are Short Term Rentals Harming The Hamptons... and I FINALLY got toTopping Rose!!

So the Hamptons are more crowded this year than last.  But yet, everyone from shop keepers and especially real estate agents (talking rentals) are saying that business is off.   One thing I always do when I take my stroll around town trying to look better dressed than the next guy, I always ask shop owners "how was your season?"   The response I keep hearing "not great."    But it's so crowded, which leaves me wondering what gives!?     Well some folks are blaming the increasing popularity of those short term rental websites for the problem.       For example, you can rent a house in Southampton from a website called Marquis for a nightly rate of $1,100 a night even though this is in violation of town code which requires a minimum of 14 days.     So, according to some there lies the problem.    You have a house which advertises an occupancy of 12 people each essentially paying $100 per person, they're not the types who are going to be spending money about town in the shops and restaurants.     By the way, I like that the Hamptons are becoming more accessible to folks who wouldn't normally be able to visit but by allowing overcrowding in houses it's more like a spring break location than quiet escape from city living.    What do you think?

Finally,  I got the chance to visit the new Topping Rose by Jean Georges last night and I can say is it was worth the wait.  Although the reservation lines need some fixing... about 45 minutes of holds, hang ups and transfers... the total experience was great.   The menu is unpretentious with everything from an amazing mini pizza to a terrific kale salad and a really solid cheese burger.    Service was solid and entrees arrived within a half hour of ordering.  I had the penne with meatballs and thought they were over the top awesome.   My dinner guests ordered the burger and the salmon, each earning a thumbs up from each.   I also recommend the heirloom tomato salad which right now is on the tail of being in season so go try it now.    This is a huge step up from last year's outing by Tom Coli
cchio.   

WARNING TO ALL EASTER BUNNIES.... AND SMALL DOGS! HAPPY EASTER! SUGGESTIONS FOR BRUNCH!

Break out the pastels and the whites... it's now officially ok to wear your fancy duds!  Well as of Sunday anyway.   So after the bunny has dropped the basket, where are some great places to wear your best bonnet?   Well look no further, Hamptons Chatter is here to help.  Here are my top 3 suggestions:

Page at 63 Main in Sag Harbor (page63main.com, 631-725-1810)  will have an a la carte brunch menu from 11 to 4 featuring such holiday favorites as leg of lamb and Eggs Benedict.   They'll also have plenty of champagne and mimosas to help with that headache from the all the little kiddies sugar high!

So CUTE.. and hopefully not on any menu!

Topping Rose in Bridgehampton (toppingrosehouse.com, 631-537-0870) will also have an al carte brunch menu featuring everything Brioche Donuts to Painted Hill Short Rib hash from 11:30 to 3p.   They'll also have activities for the kids and a giant Easter Bunny around for photographs.  You'll be able to order EXTRA champagne without drama.  Earplugs will not be provided.  

Barons Cove in Sag harbor (baronscove.com, 631-725-2101) will be hosting an Easter egg hunt for the kids... so hopefully they'll be outside.   Brunch will be served from 11 to 4p and feature all your holiday favorites including lamb, roast beef and rabbit stew.  OK, actually there is no rabbit stew.... that would be kind of cruel.   Don't cha think!?    I mean... "Thank you Easter Bunny for the chocolate... now jump into the pot!?"    

Speaking of Easter Bunnies, they need to be watching their eggs and hops these days.   While I'm not sure if it's a real warning or where the heck it originates, there is a message circulating on the internet and Facebook about there being a larger number of Hawks this season on the east coast.   The alleged warning has been issued by "Park Rangers" and "Veterinarians" to pet owners who have dogs or cats

WARNING: FOR OWNERS OF SMALL PETS

that weigh less then 12 pounds.   Apparently our small furry friends run the risk of being swooped away.   I actually had a friend who swore that happened to her pet a few years back but I question that particular incident and attribute it more to her 3 martini breakfast.    "I saw it... my dog flew away!"   Kind of scary considering it was a German Shepard. Anyway, all kidding aside I did some digging online and while the "warning" may possibly be bogus, the risk is actually quite real.    But before you panic and call your local veterinarian for advice or veteran with a gun on addressing the potential problem, just remember these birds of prey are FEDERALLY PROTECTED!      So what can you do?   Well here is are a few tips for keeping your pets safe.  

-Keep them leashed and supervise when outdoors.

-Remove bird feeders.   They attract small birds and mice which in tern attract raptors.

-Put hhiny objects that move out of the yard, such as silver streamers.   They will scare off the birds.

-Build a pen with a wire mesh for your pet to play.

So keep your pets safe, have a great weekend and remember SUMMER IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.  Which means traffic.   Yeah!

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, No it's YOUR NEIGHBOR.... and is Scuttle Hole the new L.I.E.?

Forget the privet hedge, drones are here!

Sure Martha Stewart loves her Drone according to Time Magazine but do her neighbors?    Yes, one man's toy is another man's torment and here in the Hamptons is no exception.    Sources have told me one high powered Hamptons resident has taken his/her  Hatfiled/McCoys situation with his/her next door neighbor to a new level.    This person is apparently buzzing the neighbors yard and taking pictures of sunbathing guests and family.   Yes these poor residents now are being harassed by a techno-voyeur!  While they haven't reported anything to the police (Duh, who wants to end up in the police blotter) they have been soliciting help from landscapers, housekeepers etc on shooting that puppy down!   So forget the deer cull everyone, we're hunting drones!

Meanwhile, as local towns continue to crack down on Realtors and their signs (smaller, smaller, smaller) locals have also started complaining about the proliferation of builder/contractor signs.  Yes, real estate is the best form of advertising and that's why some local firms are leaving their signs up on
homes that are not even on the market!    Take Scuttle Hole Rd. in Bridgehampton for example where one contractor has had a sign up for nearly 3 years and the property isn't even for sale!    There's also a similar situation on Ocean Rd. in Bridgehampton where one of my friends quipped, "it's starting to look like the LIE before the Midtown Tunnel!"  Make fun of Realtors and our obsession with signs if you'd like but at least we limit ours in size and duration!  Shouldn't a home actually be under construction or on the market for a sign to be put up?  Yeah, that one big guy out here has signs everywhere but he doesn't leave them up for 2 years after the house sells!!!  I'm just saying! By the way, don't even get me started on those pop up signs for the "Our drivers your car" signs on every corner!

A Tale of Two Restaurant Openings.... Plus, Everyone Really Is A Critic!

Ok, the dust has settled and we're back to a calmer and more civilized Hamptons, well up until July 4th weekend anyway.    That being said, I'm exhausted the guest, the traffic and the difficult cocktail conversation.  "Yes, I heard that Saint Barth's is not what it used to be."  Oi vey!  But other than the buzz about where everyone else went and where I didn't there were a few topics that seemed to be on everyone in the Hamptons lips.   The state of the real estate market on the east end and what new restaurants have come to town!    But if you thought today's blog was going to be about the market, you would be wrong!    I'm going to spill the beans on the two biggest openings of the last week!

Now, while I didn't go to any restaurants this past weekend I do have sources that braved the openings of two highly anticipated new restaurants in Sag Harbor; Doppio and Harlow.   The menus and pedigree of both are very different and the reaction to both was pretty much the same.... VERY DIFFERENT!

Harlow which arrives in town with very high expectations opened it's doors recently.   Located at the

A rough start?   But oh what a view!

old B.Smith's location on Long Warf, it comes from one of the partners of the infamous Nobu and already has one location in the city.     Billed as similar to their city outlet with a more "low key East End atmosphere," the restaurant will none the less attract a similar crowd with offerings such as their signature oyster bar.   So,  was it a home run?   Well according to  friends of mine who went this past Saturday, it was a more of a strike out.   They described the restaurant as a complete "cluster f***!"  In spite of having reservations they were put off not 1.... but 2 hours before they called it quits and headed off to The Cuddy instead!    They said the staff was also very surly and I've also heard mentions about the bathrooms not working and patrons having to go down the block.    So as you can tell, I have no reports on the food just yet!

Now, I get it!  It's Memorial Day weekend and you got slammed and we'll give you some time to get your bearings.   But then again, it's not like you didn't know it was going to be a crowded holiday weekend!    We'll check back in a few weeks and see how they do especially since it is one of THE best locations on the east end and the menu looks really impressive.

Doppio is up an running!

Meanwhile, down the street at the home of the former Madison and Main the folks at Doppio apparently got off to a very auspicious start.   Billed as an artisan bistro, the restaurant with the
"dopey" sounding name obviously came to town ready to do business.    I'm hearing  the crew in Sag Harbor is a well oiled machine with good food and good friendly service!    Let's hope they can keep up the good work!    The last thing in the world I wanted on the east end was another Italian restaurant but Doppio sounds like its worth the trip!  



Speaking of customers and their restaurant experiences, if you ever want a good laugh look no further than some of the reviews for Hamptons restaurants on YELP!    Now, I know sometimes people are

just plain pains in the butt and that's why I take the caveat here, I didn't write these comments, I'm just reporting them.   I mean, god forbid people do online reviews of this blog!   I can hear them now; "How can you not know the difference between they're and there."   "You have all the wrong punctuation."   "Lousy spelling."   Yeah, well you know what....  lighten up Frances, it's a blog not the New York Times!    I know I'm not Tom Wolfe but at least I'm no Bret Easton Ellis!   So anyway, here are some of my favorites that had me squirting my Sauvignon Blanc through my nose!    But more importantly it proves my point Hampton diners are sometimes hard to please!


Pierre's Bridgehampton:  While the over all rating for Pierre's was 3 out of 5 Stars, there were a few scathing remarks that have not doubt been responsible for a dent in their status.   TB from Manhattan said on 7/22/13 "below average food, fighting cougars.... and beyond obnoxious."    Is a restaurant full of cougars a bad thing?

Calvin from NYC wrote on 8/30/13 "Too arrogant!  French man.... Do not give them a credit card for reservations and the reservation never on time."   Well Calvin,  if you can own a credit card you can obviously afford to buy a verb.  Calvin you are a stupid American!

Sant Ambroeus, Southampton:  Overall they got 4 out of 5 stars, so why not 5?   Well, TF from Atlanta wrote on 6/12/13, "I tipped a very small amount because of poor service - about 10% but later on my credit card statement I noticed that they ignored the tip amount I wrote and "updated it to 18%."  Sorry TF, zeros and 8's look so similar it's an honest mistake.  Maybe they were just agreeing with you and put another zero on top of your zero!?  See... it can happen!

Well apparently service with attitude is their biggest issue.   Christy G from Greenwich Ct. wrote on 7/7/13 "if you don't walk in dripping in gold and Versace they assume you shouldn't be there."   While S.P. from Denver, CO. wrote 4/14/12 "why give a wine list if you 're never coming back to take the order."   When in Rome you two!

LT Burger, Sag Harbor:   3 out of 5 Stars.   Josh M. from Manhattan wrote on 1/28/14 that he "wouldn't go there if my eyebrows were on fire and the place had the only water in Sag Harbor."    I guess he didn't like it?

Trust me they get better but I'm trying to be nice here guys!    Some comments involve bad food and cases of Montezuma's revenge!    All I can say is it's rough out there!

Old Stove Pub, Sagaponack: 2 out of 5 Stars.   Michael S. from New York wrote on 8/23/13... "If you enjoy sea bass that smells like a soiled diaper served, eventually, by a shiftless and competent waiter than this is your joint!"   

In the age of social media EVERYBODY IS A CRITIC!

What's New in the Hamptons Hood '14... or What Happened While You Spent The Winter with People!

It has nothing to do with Nixon or Kung Fu pandadiplomacy.com

While the folks over at Curbed Hamptons talk about all the new restaurants this year, I decided to go a different direction and talk about all the other stuff!     Which calls to mind, I once had a very successful client in my car some time back talking about all things Hamptons.  As we drove by the East Hampton movie theatre he asked me, "Kung Fu Panda', what's that about?"   Really?  He wasn't kidding. Isn't it obvious that its a morality tale about a poor tailor and his struggle with alcoholism set in pre war Europe! UH... Kidding!  It's a frigging cartoon about a Panda that knows Kung Fu!   So, that being said, I wonder what they're going to think when they drive by Panda Diplomacy in Water Mill!   website.  It' looks pretty cool and I have no doubt it's what everyone will be wearing at The American Hotel this summer!  Ok, well maybe not there.  The wax museum has it's own separate dress code.  Well, for those of you that don't know it's a surfing apparel, boards and accessories store.   Located at 760 Montauk Highway in Water Mill, better known as the shopping center where there used to be Blockbuster-Citarella-Water Mill Cupcake-Avanti-Subway-Foodies and the soon to be opened West Elm Shopping Center.    If you want more info on surfing pandas, check out the

Citarella has hit Southampton!   While it's not a "full fledged" supermarket according to sources.   It is no doubt a welcome addition to a town that has the second worst supermarket in the Hamptons Walbaum's which only comes after Walbaum's in East Hampton.  The store got approved earlier this
month by the Southampton Village Planning board and quickly settled into their Hampton Street location.   While some locals have voiced their concern over the potential parking problems let me accentuate the positive, THEY HAVE FRESH FOOD!

Another newcomer is located on Main St. in Bridgehampton and it's called BLOW.  No, it's not that kind of place!  Get your minds out of the gutter people... this isn't Nevada!  It's a hair salon that's specializing in blow outs for ladies and the occasional puffy haired gentleman about to kick up their heels at the given Hamptons benefit!    If you want more information on getting glamours you can check out their website here!    If you want the other kind you need to get on a plane and head to Vegas or perhaps Amsterdam (ohhhh Amsterdam... more on that later... apparently the Dutch love the Hamptons).

If you're like me one of the greatest things about living out east is not the surf, the beaches, world class boating, golf or even the lack of good cell phone reception.   It's the fact we have some of the best damn food anywhere.  One of those that has a reputation of being the best of the best is Tate's Bakery and now they're selling their White Chocolate Macadamia cookies among other masterpieces
out of the Red Horse Market in East Hampton.  But if you're worried about your waistline  don't fret, the cookies are sugar, fat, calorie and dairy free.... NOT... if you have to read the calorie label, move on!   I have not doubt there is like 12 pounds of butter in each cookie but damn, they're awesome!   They make great chipwiches too... just in case you need more calories!

www.barrysbootcamp.com

But if you're worried about calories and such silliness, fear not Barry's Bootcamp is opening a new outlet in Amagansett this summer.    Yes, the home of sadistic (IMHO) workouts that burn tons of calories!  According to Racked.com  the location will feature healthy to go meals from Hu Kitchen.      Great news but I'll pass on the meals, there's a coconut cupcake (from Mary's) with my name on it!  The gym is located at 199 Montauk Highway, right behind Mary's Marvelous!   Did I mention Mary's coconut cupcake?  It's another Hamptons masterpiece and makes a great reward for just doing one of their  before I do one of their infamous 1000 calorie burning classes. UGH!

Finally one more thing new in the Hamptons this summer!  A deadly new tick born disease!  Goody!  I'm not going to bore or kill the mood by writing about it.  If you're curious let the kill joys at CBS News do it for you here.    In the meantime, i'm going to get some new panda surf clothes and eat my cookies and cupcakes in peace!

New Snack Food Coming to the Hamptons... Ore Ida and Totino's must be nervous!

I don't know if this ironic but as the tundra on the east end is finally melting,  there appeared a sign suggesting that my one of my favorite frozen foods is getting it's due in the Hamptons.  

The site of the establishment known as The Pizza Place in Bridgehampton is apparently becoming a Goldberg's Bagels and Pizza.   Now, I don't know if they'll be selling pizza and bagels or pizza-bagels but I'll tell you if it's the latter, Ore Ida foods are going to be mad!   It's not the oddest combination ever but it is a bit different.   Anyway, here's a helpful hint for the owners of this establishment, make a drive through window in the front!!!  That would be awesome!

Bridge Cafe, Ziggy's, M+M is now an office! 

Meanwhile, the former site of Bridge Cafe, Ziggy's and M+E Restaurant on Sag Harbor Turnpike will not be coming back as another restaurant anytime soon.   It's been renovated and now is an office for a builder and contractor.  Is it me but is every builder now taking high profile locations for their offices?   Well, they say real estate is the best form of advertising and builders are the new Starbucks in the Hamptons!

Bissell Spot Clean... a life saver!

Finally, last week I wrote about the best housewarming gift in the Hamptons and it was quite popular.   So, I'm going to do it again and give Hamptons folks another must have item!  If you have guests and or pets who are sloppy and have bad bladders....   with me the dogs are fine it's the guests that have the problem... you need to get a Bissell spot clean.   So, let me paint a picture for everyone.  You're hosting a party and you're serving ... let's say.... pizza-bagels and someone drops theirs on the floor sauce side down.   Well go grab the spot cleaner spray the area and vacuum the water up!   I'm telling you this machine is a life saver and can be used on both rugs and furniture.     Also, if you're a tenant and you don't want to get billed for damages because one of your guests couldn't make it outside in time to go, voila!   These machine really works.  You can buy it online or at the local Kmart or hardware store for about $100.   Trust me you'll thank me! 

Don't fear the pizza bagel!

The Banana Splits.... and Which Professionals have the most psychopaths... I know what I think!?

In another strike against the average Joe, the Banana Republic store in Bridgehampton Commons has packed up and split.    While I don't really buy my clothes at Kmart (OK, I bought a few Land's End sweaters there) nor do I shop Bergdorf Goodman (OK I bought a few things there too), B.R. was one of the rare quality middle of the road shops out here in the Hamptons.    When I tried calling the company for a response, the woman on the phone couldn't tell me why they left town but she did tell me she could save me 10% on my next purchase if I opened a Banana Republic credit card.

In other sad news, TheWeek.com has posed the question, "which professions have the most psychopaths?"  Now before you start thinking about "American Psycho,"  lets take a look at the definition of Psychopathy.   By definition, Psychopathy is a "personality disorder that has been variously described as characterized by shallow emotions (in particular reduced fear) stress tolerance, lacking empathy, cold heartedness, egocentricity .... and antisocial behaviors such as parasitic lifestyle and criminality."  So those two sales agents that brawled at The Hotel a few weeks ago probably  psychopaths, it's more likely they have anger issues.   So do you want to take a guess where sales people came on the list?  They were #4!  YIKES! Wedged between media personalities and surgeons.   That's not such bad company is it?   So who are some of the biggest psychopaths I met working here on the East End?  Well, I never blog and tell.  But buy me a drink sometime... in vino veritas!

Finally, so why is this picture on my blog?  Because I can.  Happy Birthday Bella!!!

Your Real Estate Agent Isn't as Important as You Thought! Plus, a FRESH success in Bridgehampton.

My friend, agent and former co-manager Tom MacNiven likes to quote George McGovern who  proclaimed: "the longer the title the less important the job. "   Somehow, I always knew they were both right.   

Well, now  when it comes to the real estate sharks swimming the waters of the Hamptons, (and the entire state) the State of New York agrees! At the end of this month licensed New York State agents
will no longer be able to display those cheesy fabricated self-anointed monikers that do nothing but take up space on business cards and email signatures.   So, sadly I have now abdicated my crown and will no longer be known as Patrick Mclaughlin, Senior Czar of Hamptons House Hunting and Associate Broker.  Soon, there will be no more Semi-Senior Co-Directors of Whichamacallit or Executive Vice Presidents of the Supply Closets.    I'm happy with this, as long as nobody can one up me!!  

Now, there are only two designations are acceptable:  LSA: Licensed Sales Associate and LBA: Licensed Broker Associate.   The latter requires a little more experience and sales transactions but it is NOT an MBA or even a certificate from University of Pheonix.   If you ain't one, you gotta be the other.   I've also just been informed that at the end of this month I must "surrender" my old, titled business cards.    So, if I can't have a title can I have a raise?   

Well the big review is in and Fresh in Bridgehampton must be breathing a big sigh of relief or at least doing a small dance of celebration.  Scoring a "VERY GOOD" review, Fresh has managed what very

www.freshhamptons.com

few have managed to do;  create a restaurant with good food and good service that won't break the bank.   I think it's everything the former home of "Southfork Kitchen," would have loved to accomplish.   It's just a shame that the old owner was too busy blogging instead of watching the restaurant.  Blogging is such a waste!! 

In fact, The New York Times said, "Fresh is an exciting restaurant with innovative portion options and creative, good-for-you food that is also delicious."   So good for them and when they're done if they could give some cooking lessons to the folks at a few restaurants out here, the world would be a better place! 

The weird and wonderful world of Hamptons Real Estate!!! Part 1,324,9897... and some potentially grate I mean GREAT news for Southfork Kitchen!

It boggles my mind sometimes how people think the Hamptons market works and what the agents actually do out here.   The following tales have no particular theme, thread or commonality other than they both make me scratch my head with a big WTF?!    The first hilarious tale I have this week involves an e-mail I received earlier this week.  I think it's kind of a perennial here on the east end and I call it....

Fast Times and Hamptons High!

Here's what it said: 
Hey my friends and I are having trouble finding a house available for rent for the weekend of the 20th to 22nd of June and were wondering if you had any eligible houses. It would be around 40 people for two nights. You can reach me at (516) 996-xxxx!

Ok, 40 people for 2 nights at the end of June?  Now, I'm not exactly a rocket scientist but something tells me this is a graduation party.   Besides, does anyone really want to stay in a

Bad Ideas... 40 people for a two day rental!

house for two days with 40 people.   I can barely stand when there's more than 4 in my house and I have plenty of space.    Also there is the part about, "my friends and I are having trouble finding a house."  REALLY!?!?!?  I'm shocked, doesn't everyone want 40 people to rent their house for 2 days!?  What could go wrong? By the way, I really wanted to correct the grammatical errors and send it back to the sender, "are you really sure you're ready to graduate?"

War of the Roses - Hamptons Style
A while back I was handling the sale of a property where the owners were going through .... shall I say... a bitter and nasty divorce.   To give you some idea, if they had a baby Solomon would've had to cut the kid in two.  There was no middle ground!   But wait, it gets better they were living in the house together until it sold!!!   Yep, it was fun.   Well, one day, we had scheduled an open house and I spoke to the husband and left the wife a message.     I assumed all was well until I arrived and found the wife's boyfriend parading around the house naked.   As I was putting out my wrap sandwiches for the fellow brokers and prospective buyers said boyfriend informed me "I fell off my bike and scraped my butt, so I can't wear any pants."  Hmmmm.   What about a blanket?  Nope, that won't do it either, the fabric would be irritating.     Can you go into a room and I'll keep people out of that one?  Sure, that sounds liek a good idea.  Well despite my best warnings a neighbor who was "curious" didn't listen to me and went into the room!   OMG...SCREEECH!   If only I had foresight to sell tickets!! 

Therapy and Miscellaneous Sightings!  
Your broker knows more about you than you think.   Especially if you're the type that likes to leave everything out in the open.     Some of the things I've come across  (I don't particularly like this part of the job) range from the weird to the gross and the down right crazy.   Now, some were former listings of mine and some were left in the open of houses I have shown for rent and for sale.    Once agin here are some of the wackiest things, in no particular order: condoms new and used (ewwwww), humongous bongs, the book "Toxic Parents," weird porn dvd's,  half eaten sandwiches with 3"of mold, phallic toys, lice shampoo (ewwwwwwwwww again),  self portraits on velvet, labeled urns with an entire family on the fireplace mantel, court appearance notices and my personal favorite a geek shrine to C3P0 and R2D2 (literally A SHRINE!).    I really can't make this stuff up. 

Southfork Kitchen

Finally a little bit of news that's a tad more normal.   A change of hands at the Southfork Kitchen in Bridgehampton.    A recent press release announced,  "Glad you made it through the winter of 2013, Southfork Kitchen did not.  We have passed the torch to the next chef, Todd Jacobs who will continue with local, season and sustainable cuisine.  We thank you for your patronage...."  I'm not sure if he's the same Todd Jacobs but if he is the one I found in Google.. it sounds promising.  According to his bio of Atlantica Restaurant in Long Beach, 
"Todd Jacobs, chef/owner of Tierra Mar and Atlantica is a graducate of the French Culinary Institute in Manhattan.  He spent six years running the kitchen at the American Hotel which received the Di Rona Award while he was there."   Sorry Southfork Kitchen but I found your menu, expensive odd and pretentious.   Here's hoping for new and better things! 

The hole truth on Bridgehampton Dunkin'??? Plus, why the Hamptons will enjoy a few more laughs this summer!

If you've been by the Bridgehampton commons say any time in the past year you probably saw the sight that the old Sneakerology (a great store now in East Hampton next to London jewelers) would soon become a Dunkin' Donuts.  Well I'm tired of having to buy Keurig Donut Shop Coffee instead of the real thing!   Yes I love Dunkin's coffee!  And YES, there's one in Southampton but have you ever tried to get in and out of that parking lot!!?!?  Also, what is easier and cheaper to serve for desert at a dinner party than Munchkins!?  Oh, don't be such a snob, you know you'll happily pay a small fortune for the same stupid Munchkins at David Burke Kitchen downtown.  Anyway, if finally looks like that long faded sign wasn't lying.  Southampton Town recently issued a building permit to convert the space to a real live Dunkin Donuts.  So attention all short fat men with dark mustaches, get your applications ready it's time to make the donuts!


In other stuff…. Bay Street Theatre in Sag Harbor has announced their schedule for the upcoming 2013 season.  Last year there was some talk that the theatre might be moving to a new location.   Well, I can tell you that Executive Director Tracy Mitchell has assured me they're staying put for at least a few years.  Whew!   Not only that, they have some great upcoming events and more! So if you're interested in what's going on… See it below!

A few reasons why you won't be getting top dollar for your house!

So, the news seems to keep improving for the housing market.  In fact the premier report of the Hamptons market from Miller Samuel and Douglas Elliman (yeah, I'm a little biased but I'm pretty sure Douglas Elliman is the only firm that hires an outside appraiser Jonathan Miller to compile their report ) showed growth for the east end with all indicators pointing to this momentum continuing into 2013.   In fact, it appears to be the best market in about 5 or 6 years.     But even with all of this are you sure you're still getting top dollar when selling your property?   Well there are a couple of mistakes I see sellers make over and over again and they can be affecting your bottom line.    Hopefully you'll find my two cents worth more than a couple bucks.



A whole site dedicated to bad pics.  courtesy: badmlsphotos.com

1) Lousy photos - remember the old days where real estate agents would have you primp and prime for that public open house.  Well, those open houses are important too but odds are this won't be the first time the potential buyers will be seeing your house.   Most buyers begin their search on the web and when the photos stink, they're not even going to take the time to see your house in person.     If your broker or agent isn't spending the money to have a professional shoot your house, they're not the agent for you.   It's amazing to me how some properties even in  the 3, 4, 5 or higher range have photos their agent took with their own digital camera.    If you don't believe me, go take a look on HREO.COM, some of those photos are just plain bad!

2) Cruddy Curb Appeal - We all know that updated kitchens and bathrooms will do a lot to help sell a house but if front of the house is a mess, odds are potential buyers won't even take the time to cross the front door.   So, if the paints chipping off the front door , you can easily see the foundation and the '69 GTO still on cinder blocks in the drive way you may want to reconsider putting your house on the market.  

3) Buckets of Clutter - I know you know this and your listing broker probably does too.  So, why not listen to them and get rid of all the extra furniture, nick knacks and the piles of pictures.    If you're having a hard time separating yourself from some of your beloved possessions try renting a storage space or one of those "PODS,"  and have it take away.

I don't do previews and I'll get to you when I do!!!

4) The Rock Star Broker - They're #1 they have 99 listings and they have bigger fish to fry than your "shack".    Now, don't get me wrong and it's not sour grapes, there are some really great top brokers out here.  They have teams and assistants that juggle all of the balls with team work and could cook a souffle at the same time.  The sad truth though is  they're not as common as you think.   In fact, I hear it over and over again from other agents across the board, "they refused to let me preview" or "they never return my calls."   Hmmm, even the greenest of agents sometimes hits a home run and sells that zillion dollar property.    It's simple math, the more people that get easy access to your house the better offer.  If your broker uses the words "I" and "me" too often, that should be your first tip off. 

5) Pathetic Pricing - time but they're not  Don't make it about you... when you're pricing your home it's about the facts and the stats!!!  How much will a qualified buyer be willing to pay for your house.   Buyers don't care about home much you paid for it or how much money you'll need to pocket at the end of transaction.  They also don't care about the custom gilded tub or the fung shui designed rose garden odds are those improvements were done for you and mean little to the potential buyers.  I admit it's not a science and brokers don't ever really know at what price a home will sell.  But they should have a good idea based on recent comparable sales and what's currently on the market.  Remember, sellers typically get the best prices for their property early in the game.  So, price it right from the start and avoid aggravation and frustration.   As I've said before,  If you're friend thinks it's such a steal at that price, why don't they buy it??!

Finally, the folks over at Designing the Hamptons have identified the location of this years designer showcase house!!  So, where is it... you have to click on their link to find out.  It's their scoop and more importantly, I'm so over this designer show houses.    You know it's been done to death when they start doing these in Hackensack N.J. and they HAVE!!   I'd rather see someone build and decorate a house with stuff on a budget... say ... from Sears...or Home Goods now that I'd pay to see.... MOVE THAT BUS!!! 
 

Hamptons Hostility... If you miss the city don't worry, there are plenty of unfriendly places here too!

I have an old friend named Hope, not that she's old but I've known her forever.  Anyway, she used to have this idea that New Yorkers are basically masochistic at heart.  They loved to be abused.  She often toyed with the idea of opening a restaurant named "Insults,"  where diners can come for a good meal and get insulted as they dine.  Now, I personally loved the idea, I knew it would be successful too!  I mean it took the term "home style" to the next level!  It was like a Saturday night at my house growing up!!!    

Anyway, this theory explains why some of the most popular places on the East End are some of it's most unfriendly!  So where, who , why?   Here is my list; THE TOP 5... Hostile Hamptons Hot Spots!!!

Normal people sit over there!  We will ignore you!

1) Navy Beach - Sure the views are great and the crowd is good looking but unless you're hanging with Giselle or Kate Upton you can forget about getting decent service.   I went a few days ago with some of my middle aged friends, yeah the ones in their early 40's and late 30's.  We couldn't get the waitress' attention for anything.   The food came out sporadically, some had food others didn't.  When we asked management, it was brought to our attention that the order was too confusing so it was our fault half of us weren't being fed!   As for getting a second round of drinks, I would have been better off going to Gossman's to get them.  

2) Citarella East Hampton - "Excuse me mam' if I could get a half pound of the Alpine Lace Low Fat Swiss."  "Excuse me.. ?"   "Excuse me mam'?!"  "Can I get... (she cuts me off) "YEAH I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME."   Charming!  But if only this were an isolated incident.   While the guys in the fish department are actually friendly, it doesn't make up for the rest of the store.  I guess if you don't enjoy your job, you're not exactly smiling to the customers. There must be a lot of unhappy people at Citarella.

3) Goldberg's Bagels (Southampton) -  To me the Goldberg's in Southampton is last chance to get a cup of coffee before hitting the highway.  But yet, it's nothing like going into the Bagdad Cafe.   It's surly city with an exclamation point!!!   But unlike other establishments,  I know, I actually think I got a handle on why they're not happy flipping their flagels!     It's the fear of working too close to 27 and the terror they live with that a speeding BMW may one day careen off the highway and create a drive in window!   Meanwhile, if you go to Goldberg's in East Hampton, FRIENDLY, FRIENDLY, FRIENDLY.   So I know my 27 theory must be the reason!

GROUND ZERO FOR HOSTILITY!

4) East Hampton Parking lot behind Walbaum's - I know it's not me but EVERYONE in that lot is nasty.  Perhaps the fact it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground has something to do with it!   It starts with the aggressive drivers and trickles right down to the overly aggressive "brownies" who are no doubt getting paid in Clearasil.  The biggest mystery to me is how it could be the nicest beach day of the year....  and that lot will still be packed!!!   WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SHOPPING NOW!?!?  Do it in the city, it's easier!  Perhaps the heart of the unfriendly is the actual Walbaum's!   Everyone in this place is either annoyed or uninterested!  I never went to a Soviet grocery store during the cold war but I imagine it must have been a lot like this; long lines, hostile help and lousy produce... in my opinion anyway.

5) Pierre's Cafe Bridgehampton - Do I really need to elaborate? It's French!  I'm talking about the little walk in place next door to the restaurant.    It's a little bit of Paris right in the heart of the Hamptons, "you stupid American!"

I'll Have a Mocha Latte with my Mulch!

Yes if you're going to Marder's Nursery, sit and enjoy their new cafe! Well, maybe once it's not 104 degrees out.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccck! Again. Today's topic... an unsuspecting, devastating and very stylish looking danger in the Hamptons!!!

So, June was indeed a busy month for me.  But I'm not going to go into that.  I've got a few good blog postings in me and I promise I'll try to get them out soon!  So where to begin?  

Innocent looking... yes!?

Well, the thing that came to mind and got me back to my keyboard was a little tidbit that came from a friend who's a volunteer fireman in Bridgehampton.    While I see many folks out there in the Hamptons pouring into Spanks and hiking the beach in Christian Louboutin's all for the sake of appearances.  Where am I going with this?  Well, the town of East Hampton just bought matching Moncler outfits for their entire fire department!  Just kidding.   Let me get back to my point that is really actually quite off point.  

Well you know those shiny candle lanterns that adorn so many Hamptons landscapes, well apparently they're  deadly?  Ok, well maybe not deadly but they created a virtual TOWERING INFERNO the other day in Bridgehampton that would do Irwin Allen proud!   Apparently one home owner left one of these stylish and sleek adornments outside during last weeks heat wave.  The problem was the glass on the lantern acted as a sort of magnifying glass and burned a hole right in the side of the unsuspecting homeowners beautiful cedar shake abode!  YIKES!   Talk about a need for some Restoration Hardware... get it?

Finally, a little chuckle from the crazy tenants file!  You know that red switch for the furnace and hot water heater?  Well in some of the older homes, these switches look like something more out of Doctor Frankensteins lab.  I mean Dr. Frankunsteen's lab.   Anyway, its a bad place for your wife to hang her purse!  Because when you hang a purse on the switch, it goes down and the furnace goes off and you have no hot water.  It's that simple.  You're a CEO and you needed me to figure that one out?!  Just saying!

Security Concerns for Dummies in Bridgehampton!

We all know that Joe Farrell is making plenty of money these days.  But my question is does he really need a full time security guard to stand in his windows!?   But wait, that's no ordinary security guard.   The said security guard is always there with his arms crossed and the same lifeless expression on his face.   Hmmmm, could it be in fact that this guard is indeed lifeless?   I walked up to the window the snap a few pics because I was suspect and low and behold no reaction, no movement.  In fact, he should get a job at Madame Toussaud's.   If anyone has the answers, let me know.

Meanwhile, if you haven't had a chance to stop by Greek Bites in Southampton you should.   Friends of mine encouraged me to stop by and get some stuff to go but that's a little far for me to do a quick drive-by.  So instead I decided to stop in and try it out.   My review on a scale from 1-5 is a solid 4.    The moussaka and fried zucchini that I tried were awesome.   The atmostphere was pleasant and certianly a big improvement over Meson Ole!  So, in conclusion don't be afraid to try something new!  Greek Bites is located on County Rd. 39, in Southampton.     

631-488-4388.                          

Is the Grill cooked... and we need a little Christmas in the Hamptons!

I know it's been wayyyyyyyyy toooo long since my last blog. But hey, really... I've been busy. So anyway, what's going on, let me see.

Posted via email from pjmhamptons's posterous

Last month, the GRILL ON PANTIGO, formerly Wei Fun quietly closed their door for the season. But while the sign on the door says "see you next spring" the rumor is that the reopening will be "Wei unlikely." Apparently after an uneventful summer season, the owners have quietly but the business and the building on the block for a cool $5,000,000. I asked the management will they be reopening next spring and they claim they'll be there come warm weather... we'll see. While the inside space is pretty awesome, the food there just didn't cut the mustard.... or the house specialty rubber chicken (It made airplane food look good). I know it's not the location because before it was Wei Fun it was O'Malley's which was in the location for almost 20 years. Whatever it was O'Malley's was packed every night year round, let's hope the owners can get it right with the next incarnation.
Meanwhile, what's up with the lack of festivity in the Hamptons. I decided I was going to try and spot some of the best decorated windows around town from Montauk to Southampton. So you know how many windows I found worth discussing? 3! Yep, that's it folks three windows. Somewhere the Grinch is smiling about the humbuggery in the Hamptons. So who is worth discussing this holiday season?

Posted via email from pjmhamptons's posterous

Well, JCrew for one... it's festive its fun and it looks like it took more than 20 minutes to put together! Yeah J Crew.
The other two are Ralph Lauren (we'll say all three stores) look awesome. But what else would you expect from the brand that ate the Hamptons. It's chic and unassuming and puts you in the holiday mood. So if your in East Hampton, check out Rugby, Polo Kids and the Polo stores.
Finally, I loved COMERFORDS windows in Bridgehampton. It's a funky metal Christmas tree in lights and a snow covered terrain that looks like it was made from old window shades. Totally cool and very innovative, the window is one of the funkiest in the Hamptons. So anyway, I'm trying to get more organized and get more blogs up. Please be patient and happy holidays everyone!!!

It's a tale of two tacos and a little shoe business!

Well the hustling and bustling continues with all of the shops and restaurants on the East End as the countdown continues to the Memorial Day Weekend. One of the more industrious projects seems to be taking place at the site of the former Almond and Woodshed Inn. According to a source, permits were made with the town to turn the location into a sports bar and Mexican restaurant. It is allegedly

being done by a group from up the island and they plan to name the place "AGAVE." There was some environmental issues that needed to be worked out and that's how I was alerted. Now, if that name sounds familiar yes, there is one in the city on lower 7th Avenue and there was also one in Sag Harbor. I don't think this particular venue will have any affiliation with the aforementioned businesses but at the very least it can't be any worse than BLUE PARROT (Bon Jovi's place). So, will the Hamptons finally get good Mexican food? Stay tuned!

Now, since I've mentioned it to a few folks the constant question seems to be.. "what's a Mexican - sports bar?" It's a place with Tacos and TV sets... or maybe just burritos. Who knows!


Finally, I got my shoes back from Dutch Girl Cleaners at the King Kullen in Bridehampton. They did a really good job! They rep

laced the soles on my driving shoes and polished and fixed two others. All in all a big thumbs up. So yes Virginia, you can get a decent shoe repair in the Hamptons!

Starbucks Bridgehampton gets a makeover!

Yep, it looks more like Southfork Kitchen!

Posted via email from pjmhamptons's posterous

Ok, the old poll didn't work... here it goes again! Who has the best pizza in the Hamptons?!?!?

Who has the best pizza in the Hamptons????

Ok, everyone. I know which I prefer but this is your chance to vote! For the next 30 days I'll be tabulating votes on who has the best pizza in the Hamptons. Look to the right at the little widget and you can cast your vote. If I missed any shops, let me know I'll add them to the list. Remember, you have to have a gmail or google account to vote. Sorry, I don't know how to do it any other way. I mean, this is important information for anyone new or visiting the Hamptons. Do your part!!