MMMMMMMMMM.... DONUTS... AND TUNA TARTARE! -UPDATED!!!

In case you missed it there was a lot of buzz a few months ago as Tom Colicchio and Topping Rose House parted ways.    Much of the well deserved criticism revolved around the fact that the prices were steep and the food was just a tad too "precious."     Well, when it was recently announced that Jean-Georges Vongerichten would be moving into that prime location, it was with a skeptical eye that many Hamptons folks awaited the arrival of it's latest celebrity chef.     I mean, doesn't everyone want quail and sweet breads when visiting the beach?

www.toppingrosehouse.com

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... donuts!

But guess what?  A good thing happened on the way to Bridgehampton.   Rather than taking a step on the fancy side, the restaurateur took a page more from his Inn at Pound Ridge menu and gave it a Hamptons spin.    Jean-Georges at the Topping Rose House is now open and ready for business.  While make no mistake the bill is going to cost you a few more dollars than an Olive Garden Prix Fixe, the prices are reasonable by local standards and the menu is actually pretty accessible.   The restaurant was open over the Memorial Day and served dishes from the new menu including; Tuna Tartare with Avacado and ginger marinade for $22, Kale Salad with Lemon and Parmesan $15, Parmesan Crusted Organic Chicken for $32 and a Cheeseburger with Frizzled Onions and House made pickles for $21.     For the vegetarian in the group, they also have a Garden Vegetable Brown Rice bowl with Salsa Verde for $26.    While I haven't had the chance to check it out yet, if it's anything like the Westchester outlet I have no doubt it will be packed from now until Labor Day!  For more information or reservations, you can try calling 631-537-0870 or go online by clicking here!

Meanwhile, something is apparently brewing in Sag Harbor and Homer Simpson will very happy.    I was on the street and I glazed over to find out that  Grindstone Coffee and Donuts is coming to town.   The hole deal is getting ready to set up shot at the location that was formerly occupied by Pepalajefa at 7 Main Street in Sag Harbor.   Fronted by two veteran coffee shope folks,  locals Kyle Shanahan and Anna Coffman will have brioche style donuts in such mouth watering flavors as strawberry shortcake, chocolate coconut and of course the traditional glazed!  The two are also making a point of sourcing all of the ingredients from local providers like Mecox Dairy and Amber Waves Farm in Amagansett.    In fact, they're taking the local angle so seriously they've decided to start working on a beach plum filled jelly donut recipe.     But if you're hoping these will be low calorie, fat free, taste free confections, forget it.  The plan is for real "super buttery brioche donuts"... dare I say it's a the Hamptons answer to a cronut..... a bronut?    The shop will also have a range of gourmet coffees and teas to help unclog your arteries.       Look for Grindstone Coffee and Donuts to open sometime at the end of the month!    One final thought before I go?  Some folks say, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"... except for donuts which say, "skinny can go "f" itself." 

RENTING IN THE HAMPTONS THIS SUMMER? READ THIS FIRST....

Yes, the summer season is approaching quicker than a new Kim Kardashian nude selfie.    But while I'm getting ready by practicing defensive driving techniques others are busy lining up their rentals for the Memorial Day to Labor Day pilgrimage to the east end.     Oh, yeah and I'm helping them rent those houses.... I'm the number one rental agent in the Hamptons*.... didn't I tell you that?!   (*based upon stats that I won't disclose and that are collected by me).     But before you can say grab the rose wine and beach blanket, there are a few things you might need to know.      Here once again with my perennial video about the obligations of renting a house in the Hamptons is my friend Rob Disario.





One thing Rob didn't mention in the video is renters are also required to get their own insurance when residing in their temporary home.   Recently,  I had the chance to ask John Wallace of Amaden Gay Insurance about some of the more important points of why this is necessary.....

Protect yourself when the burglar comes to town!

1) Is it really necessary to get renter's insurance?

I would always tell summer renters to get their own policy. The average cost is about $300-$500.00 /year. It would cover them for the personal contents and liability for at least $500,000 or more depending on the coverage they select. It would also cover them for loss of use and personal contents they brought to the home. This would cover them if for some reason due to a loss they could not stay in the home they rented they could rent another place and the insurance company would pay for it.  This cover them for most everything for a fraction of the rental cost. What is the big deal if they spend $30,000 for a rental or $30,400 to be totally protected? They can always cancel the policy afterward and get probably half their money back.

2)  What else can be covered with renter's insurance? 

All renters should check with their current homeowner or renters to see what they are covered for. They can also extend liability to the address they are renting for about $50-$100.00 and would be covered by their primary homeowner’s liability.   Some companies give you coverage up to 10% of your contents away from home but you have to check with your carrier. This is the minimum they should do and is subject to their primary homeowners deductible.

3)   Any advice for landlords?

Landlords who are renting their home should check with their carrier about renting as well. Most companies are ok with a one or 2 month rental but not much more than that. They will not cover multiple tenants with weekly rentals.  Also theft will not be covered if you rent your home in the summer. Most allow up to two different tenants maybe three but that is about it. Otherwise you are looking at a situation where you may void the contract.

If you have additional questions, you can try reaching John at Amaden Gay Agencies in East Hampton 631-324-0041 or go online www.amadengay.com

BUSTING A SUMMER RENTAL MYTH... AND DOPPIO IS DONE-I-OH! AGAIN.

Doppio in Sag Harbor.... brown paper seems to be it's color!

Good Morning all.. or is it afternoon?  Either way, HC as some people like to call this blog has been off the grid for the past few months.  It's been a period of reflection and real estate and a media blackout.  I've ignored TV, radio and the internet for weeks now.  So before I read the papers about the Jeb versus Hillary show... I mean nobody was going to vote for "him," I did some recon in and around the Hamptons to get the latest in our neck of the woods.

So word about town in Sag Harbor is that DOPPIO is definitely DONE-I-OH.   As if the incident of last summer's sudden shuttering wasn't a big enough omen for you, the Italian bistro has packed it's bags and headed off for greener and perhaps less discerning pastures.    But while this is a surprise for virtually nobody, the big buzz is about what's going in there!  So, what will it be?   Apparently, it's going to be brown paper on the windows for the next few months.  Unconfirmed word about town is that the state of the space is in a bit on the worn side and a renovation is afoot.  If I have wrong information here, let me know and I'll fix it!  I still miss the old "Paradise" in Sag Harbor.  Please can somebody talk to somebody and bring it back?    It had good service, good food and a great atmosphere, something far too many restaurateurs in the Hamptons have a hard time understanding.

Meantime, why is it so tough to find a summer rental this season?  Well it's not as the NY Times would have you believe.     The mad rush that they report every year ("act now if you want your summer Hamptons get away) as having taking place is more myth than reality.    The truth is with all of the new regulations that include rental permits, registries and blood oaths more than a few home owners have decided NOT to rent rather than deal with all of the drama.    Now, I'm sure some agents and brokers are going to say, "not at all."   But I'm speaking from my experiences in the past few weeks.    I've called numerous landlords about renting only to have them inform me the house is no longer available.     I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing but I can tell you, if you're debating on renting your home this coming season... make sure to get the permit and protect yourself into the pool... it's smaller this year than it's been in a long time!

DOPPIO'S DILEMNA.... AND YOU KNOW IT'S AUGUST ...UMMMM JULY IN THE HAMPTONS WHEN......

Yesterday's tomorrow is today.... right?

It's Peyton Place in Sag Harbor these days as the questions abound.... Is Doppio history or on hiatus.   Yesterday, state officials along with a few men in blue (you never know when some employee might want to sneak off with salt and pepper shakers) came in and locked the restaurant down and threw up a "SEIZED" sign!   Well it didn't take long but a few hours later one of the owners or employees was out there with a sign and free lemonade promising it will be "back to business as normal."   Well it's now 11:30 am and Hamptons Chatter was late to go to press today and the doors are all still locked and there isn't an employee in site. There is also no lemonade today but did you really think someone could serve free drinks in Sag Harbor without getting into trouble?

Rumors about Doppio's demise have been floating around since this winter.    After a promising start and lots of fanfare last year bad attitudes and mediocre food turned the eatery into a ghost town by Labor Day.   This year I have to say the food has improved and the staff is a heck of a lot friendlier.    Everyone should get a second chance and I'm hoping they make it work.    I'll keep you updated on the progress and update here as needed.    It would be fun to set up a webcam, right?

UPDATE 2:38pm:  It's still closed, still dark and Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
UPDATE 4:19pm:  The day glow orange sign is gone and they're getting ready to reopen.  A stirring saga is over. 

Bad reviews can't stop this bear!

• Meanwhile, it's beginning to feel a lot like August around here int he Hamptons.   I know every year we all complain the crowds are bigger, the traffic is worse, the lines are longer, blah, blah, blah than the year before.   But you know what?  I'm convinced it really is crazier than ever out here ... and there isn't a Kardashian in sight!   The way I know is the annual tell tale signs, that usually happen in late August are already upon us.   It's like a swallows of Capistrano situation here but with BMW's.   Here are the signs it's bursting at the seams on the East End;

A movie like "Ted 2" can sell out on Sunday night at 10pm.   Yes, it's only scored a lame 45% on Rotten Tomatoes but it's doing bang up business in East Hampton.   I can't imagine anyone wanting to pay to see this after the director's really really bad "A Million Ways to Die in the West,"  but if your choice is between this and "Me, Earl and the Dying Girl" one title does sound a little better for fun summer viewing.

Scads of Toddlers are playing under hot coffee pots at bagel stores and coffee shops while their attentive parents are texting away on their I-phones!   Now, I always find this annual occurrence to be a bit scary.  I mean I'm not a parent nor do I have any intuitive parental skills but I kind of find it stupid to let children play unsupervised under a scalding coffee pot!    Call me wacky!

It takes an hour to get from Southampton to East Hampton village on a week night and Sag Harbor Village looks like East Hampton Village!    Folks, if you live within walking distance to any of these villages (remember that's why you paid what you did!), why in the world are you driving a 10th of a mile to get there?!  Getting stuck in traffic on Butter Lane.... I'm sorry I just don't get it!   But then again there are a lot of things I don't understand..... like why everyone and their mother is now publishing a magazine this summer!  I read Hamptons Magazine, Hamptons Real Estate Showcase  and Dan's.... sorry that's it folks... the rest I toss in the circular file!   I would also read Curbed.com if it ever went to print... I hope I earn brownie points on these.

The uniform at Rowdy Hall is Gucci, Prada and Birkin  The home of Hamptons casual and arguably one of the best burgers around becomes a tornado of tags and logos as the normally low key crowd gets outnumbered and out dressed.    I know it's competitive out there and everyone wants too look good but isn't this a casual beach community?  Couldn't we all just embrace the softer side of Sears?  hahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaahhahhah

YOU CANOLI IMAGINE THE CHANGE IN WAINSCOTT.... TAKE A PEEK! PLUS A TALE SO STUPID IT HAS TO BE TRUE!

Makeover Mangia!

If you've been through Wainscott lately,  you've probably noticed there's a whole lot of something going on at the former location of Georgica and Saracen restaurants.   The location is now the home of Osteria Salina and the inside has been given face lift that would make Cher green with envy!  Its been a much needed change for the 130 year old building that was more recently the home of ruckus night clubs catering to the hard partying "bottle and banquette" crowd.    Instead neighbors now have a traditional Sicilian restaurant in one of the most charming locations around.   In fact, if you ask me it looks like they spent a pretty penne to make it look good!  Sorry for the pun.

The Georgica Room with a view!   

The restaurant which was formally located on School Street in Bridgehampton has now been expanded by purveyor Tim Gaglio and his wife Cinzia (the chef) into a larger 225 seat venue overlooking Georgica Pond.   The menu will remain the same and feature old favorites like Charred Octopus, Polpette (amazing italian meatballs), Mezzi Rigitoni alla Siciliana, fresh seafood specials but with the addition of pizzas cooked in the brick oven that was a staple back when the restaurant was "Sapore di Mare."     If you don't remember back that far then you certainly don't know the reason Route 27 is so close to the site!?  Well I'll tell you, it's owed to two feuding brothers, one who designed highways for the state and the other who owned a house in Wainscott!

Classic design meets chic renovation!

Well enough about the location, the food which comes with a Sicilian pedigree (Cinzia comes from a long line of Italian restauranteurs) that goes all the way back to Sorra Italy has been earning raves from local celebs like Billy Joel, Alan Alda and Howard Stern to name a few.   In fact, I bet next door neighbor Ron Perlman will soon swing by for some Bucatini con Sarde ... the smells will get 'em and I heard he loves to walk everywhere!   There's no doubt it will be attracting the same crowd plus a few new ones with the expanded dining room.   Osteria Salina will open it's doors quietly this Thursday (5/21) night at 5pm and be open for business year round.   It's a great addition to the area and if you have any doubt they're aiming for a different crowd than the last establishment, stop by on Sunday's from 1 to 9pm when they'll be serving traditional Sophia Loren sized "family style" dinners.    If you want a reservation and my guess is your going to need them... check out the restaurant on OPENTABLE.COM  

As any real estate on the east end will tell you, dealing with Summer rentals is never easy.    This Friday will no doubt too be another hair raising experience for agents all over as tenants start to move into their seasonal rentals.  Yes, I'll soon be getting calls about defective toasters, noisy neighbors and even the occasional call asking for an address (write it down before you go out drinking).     Well it's a few
years later and now enough time has passed to tell a tale I from a few years ago when one tenant called me complaining about the wireless Internet.   I explained I wasn't an expert but I would swing by and take a look.    Apparently the code for the wifi wasn't working and I thought I'd give it a shot.    When I arrived I input the code and bing!  It worked!   What was the problem?   Well, when I gave them the code in the e mail I wrote "the password is case sensitive xyz."  Yes, you got it... they wrote "CASE SENSITIVE" when inputting the code.  By the way, English was their first language and it was a $200k+ seasonal rental!    Only in the Hamptons!

IF YOU WANT TO RENT YOUR HOUSE IN THE HAMPTONS..... A FEW THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW FIRST!

One of the great things about owning a home in the Hamptons is your ability to rent it out.    Yes, for some it's a cash cow and can help off set most of your yearly expenses in just 3 short months.    But you better know what you're doing.   If you rent to the wrong tenant or your house isn't ready, you could end up making less than money than a romantic comedy with Katherine Heigl and Nicholas Cage.

So what do you need to know and how do you get the most money possible for your rental?  Well luckily Hamptons Chatter is here to tell you.

Price it Right - This is my rule of thumb...  if you just bought your house and it's decorated and well maintained, you can expect about 4-5% the cost of the property for the Memorial Day to Labor Day period.   50% of that should be counted for the August rental.   For example, your Restoration Hardware decorated home you just bought for $1,000,000 should rent MD-LD for $50k or $25K for August.   This is not a hard and fast rule.  If your house is a few years old, ask an agent what they think would be a good rental price. It's also not a science so adjusting the price as you get close to the season may be needed.

List your property properly -  First off, keep it as an open listing.  Unless you're renting your home for $250k or more, most companies won't even take an exclusive rental and that's not a bad thing.   Agents are no different than anyone else and they're looking to earn a living.   So if it's between a $100k rental that's an exclusive rental where the agent will have to give a chunk to the listing agent or an open listing where they get the lions share, which one do you think they're going to show?   Most rental listings in the Hamptons are open listings, so keep yourself competitive.   But also know, unless you tell your agent to share the listing you'll need to make sure every company has your home and at the right (same) price!

Busy, busy, busy!!  www.uglyhousephotos.com

Get the house ready to go - If agents are starting to show your house,  it should look like your tenants are moving in tomorrow.     Reduce the clutter around the house, make sure all of your photos and personal Nick-knacks are stored away and please, please, please keep it neat and clean.    Also, less is more.... if the house is overloaded with furniture that's not a plus for most tenants, it will only make the property feel crowded and full.
your house if there are dirty dishes are in the sink and pet hair on all of the sofas (nobody wants to live in someone else's dirt).   "Clean" is also a key word when it comes to decor.   Busy patterns or tons of floral bed spreads, pillow cushions or curtains will overwhelm some potential tenants.   While you're taste may be good, it might not be for everyone.   That's why   Do not show Baskin and Robbins has 31 flavors but you don't need that many colors!

Make it and easy show - While I don't suggest leaving a key under the mat (that's a really bad idea for a number of reasons).   You have to make sure agents have easy access to your property.   Customers run late... HELLO, IF THINK YOU'RE IN THE HAMPTONS AND YOU DIDNT HIT TRAFFIC YOU'RE ONLY IN SHIRLEY.... and sometimes agents run late too so if it becomes to difficult to coordinate they'll move on.  The best way to control access and make sure you get shown is to drop a key off with your local broker.  They'll keep the key locked up and log who borrows and uses the key.   You could also buy a lock box or better yet buy a digital remote system where you can grant access to your home via your cell phone.  My personal favorite is the KEVO system, which you can buy easily enough on Amazon.

Get professional photos - If you want a good laugh, go through one of those "home for rent -by owner" sites.  Would you rent some of these homes?   I didn't think so.  Bad photos are a home owners biggest enemy.   My advice is hire a professional photographer (call any agency they'll recommend who to call) and then share these photos to all the agencies.   You have to spend money to make money and this particular expense is a no brainer to me.


Finally a few last points about "Hamptons Summer Renting" - if you use an agent to rent your house you'll need to pay the commission and in most cases it's 10% of the term of the lease.     It might seem like a lot but most agents screen their customers or get them via referral.  You'll be less likely to get a bad egg tenant.     Also, most leases require that tenants will maintain the property while in residency, so make sure they use the folks who know the house... your housekeeper, your lawn guy, your pool person, etc.

Also, if you live in Southampton Town make sure to get a rental permit.  It's not easy to do but it will protect you in the long run if you have problems with the tenant.

Now remember, I couldn't cover everything in this brief posting but I hope its a helpful start.   I also know not everyone will agree with my advice so feel free to post what you think.

WARNING... BEACH PASSES ARE GOING FAST.... REAL ESTATE ACTIVITY AND A BRIEF RESTAURANT UPDATE!

So my Monday Morning Market Report is on Wednesday Friday this week.   Get over it.  I'm' not

You have to be kidding Bill?

running the train or the Jitney here.   Well, not that being on time matters for the Hampton Jitney.   The reason is we finally had a decent weekend where we didn't have 3 feet of snow or freezing rain.   I was busy. Once again I've spoken to my cadre of experienced brokers (about 10 in all from various companies and office) and they've given this weekend a "B-" rating.    While it still hasn't reached "the kind of traffic we should have this time of year", things are definitely picking up.  Rental inventory continues to remain good but there is a pent up demand according to many - potential tenants have been making inquiries but haven't taken the trek out here to seal the deal.   Look for that to change in the next few weeks.   A few attorneys have also remarked to me, that they are now feeling the effects of the arctic blast from a few weeks ago and things are quiet.   Meanwhile, Bill Evans on channel 7 WABC says we are in for another blast of winter this weekend, so pull that parka back out of the closet...  you're going to need it this weekend. Agents and brokers, get ready for all of the cancellations!

Please keep the chicken pot pie on the menu and bring back the guacamole!

Meanwhile, the clock is ticking for Beach Passes thanks to people buying them online.  Make sure you do so soon.  Sources told me they're selling like hot cakes and they're already 2/3 of the way to being sold out!   It might not seem like it's beach time yet but believe me it will be here before that next wrinkle on my your forehead!  Click here if you want to get yours now!

Finally, some quick restaurant updates!  There is a new tenant getting set to move into the former
Georgica Restaurant in Wainscott.   Rumor around town is it's going to be Italian and it's a restaurant
already here in the Hamptons..... Hmmmmmm.   Anyone know? There's been a ton of cars in the parking lot lately and seems there may be some renovations taking place.

Also, Highway Diner is doing some major renovations and will be reopening sometime in the next 3 weeks.   I'm not sure if the menu will be changing but the interior is undergoing a few changes to make it a little more "homey."

BLOCKING THE BROKER BULL AND HOW WE CAN STILL SAVE THE HAMPTONS!

I've always wondered what the owners of those 10, 20 or 30 million dollar homes in the Hamptons would say if they knew that the "power broker" agent they hired, rarely accompanied showings in their home?!  While not all of these brokers do it but it's more common than you think!     In my opinion at least 50% of brokers go ahead of time and unlock the home or leave a key under the mat.    Seriously!   Think about it.   If they have say 40-50 listings and they're as busy as they're telling you, how can they possibly be there to actually "SELL" the house.   Nobody knows a house better than an owner, but it's an agents job to be there and explain why the home is worth it and actually earn their 6%!

Kevo lock...tells you who is coming and going!

So what is a seller to do?  Well one solution that I encourage is to install a KEVO Keyless entry system.   This nifty system retails for about $220 dollars on Amazon and allows you to unlock your door just by tapping on it, thanks to Bluetooth technology that will detect the smart phone in your pocket or a fob for those less tech savvy.   The best part about this is you can also give "e-keys" to your agent, friends, workmen, whoever to let them in when you're not around.  It also keeps track of who is coming and going and when.    It's a good way to see if your agent is really showing your house in addition to telling you when and how often.  

Meanwhile, if you're reading social media of any sort you probably noticed it's crankville here on the east end.   The locals say the summer people are nasty and rude and the summer people say the same thing in reverse.    Either way, it's tense out here and it's something my friend on Facebook "Robert" called "S.A.D." - Summer Affective Disorder.  Although I've gotten accustomed to this seasonal fatigue we have a new honor here on the east end,  Conde Nast Traveller placed the Hamptons in their "Top 10 Undfriendliest Places" in the U.S."    It's enough to make someone move to Asbury Park... NOT!    But let's be real here.  It can be unfriendly but it's not too late.   I'm asking everyone who reads this blog to take the following few steps and we can turn the Hamptons into the Stepford of beach communities in no time!

1 - Say "thank you."  - Nobody is entitled to have a door open for them unless they're going into K-Mart's auto doors.    If I hold a door for you, it's not an admission of your entitlement or my own social guilt.   It's just a matter of being human!    So pay it forward, just say "thank you!"

Yes, Johnny is just adorable!

2 - Don't expect others to tolerate your bad behavior or that of your children! - True stories here.... Scenario 1 - I tell a small child not to step in the busy street while their parents are busy staring into Tory Burch, as the parent rushes I stop the kid from going forward to which the little spawn screams "Don't tell me what to do, you're not my father."   NICE!  But what's worse is the father doesn't say thank you or apologize for the kids obnoxious response!   Hmmmm.   Scenario 2 - local bagel store starts making my bagel for me when I stop the clerk and say it's not what I requested and correct the order.   When checking out, I say to the worker "sorry for the confusion."   But rather than say, "no problem," she grunts and continues to ignore me!   I wasn't rude so don't be rude to me!   Golden rule folks, treat others as you want to be treated no matter who they are and what car they drive  (YES, having driven both a Ford Taurus and a BMW there's discrimination on both sides).

3- Smile and lighten up Frances! - It's summer and it's the Hamptons folks!   DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY WE ARE?!   There's nobody launching rockets at your house or depriving you of your ability to shop Citarella!   Take a deep breathe, enjoy the moment and realize you're in one of the most spectacular places on the planet!    Life can be a beach you just have to let it happen!

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, No it's YOUR NEIGHBOR.... and is Scuttle Hole the new L.I.E.?

Forget the privet hedge, drones are here!

Sure Martha Stewart loves her Drone according to Time Magazine but do her neighbors?    Yes, one man's toy is another man's torment and here in the Hamptons is no exception.    Sources have told me one high powered Hamptons resident has taken his/her  Hatfiled/McCoys situation with his/her next door neighbor to a new level.    This person is apparently buzzing the neighbors yard and taking pictures of sunbathing guests and family.   Yes these poor residents now are being harassed by a techno-voyeur!  While they haven't reported anything to the police (Duh, who wants to end up in the police blotter) they have been soliciting help from landscapers, housekeepers etc on shooting that puppy down!   So forget the deer cull everyone, we're hunting drones!

Meanwhile, as local towns continue to crack down on Realtors and their signs (smaller, smaller, smaller) locals have also started complaining about the proliferation of builder/contractor signs.  Yes, real estate is the best form of advertising and that's why some local firms are leaving their signs up on
homes that are not even on the market!    Take Scuttle Hole Rd. in Bridgehampton for example where one contractor has had a sign up for nearly 3 years and the property isn't even for sale!    There's also a similar situation on Ocean Rd. in Bridgehampton where one of my friends quipped, "it's starting to look like the LIE before the Midtown Tunnel!"  Make fun of Realtors and our obsession with signs if you'd like but at least we limit ours in size and duration!  Shouldn't a home actually be under construction or on the market for a sign to be put up?  Yeah, that one big guy out here has signs everywhere but he doesn't leave them up for 2 years after the house sells!!!  I'm just saying! By the way, don't even get me started on those pop up signs for the "Our drivers your car" signs on every corner!

17,500 Reasons why the Kardashians Kame to the Hamptons.... plus it's Totally 80's Time at the Talkhouse!

The Klassiest Kids in Town!? 

In case you've been living under a rock the Hamptons are buzzing with the comings and goings ... or should I say Komings... ugh... no ... comings and goings of the Kardashians.   If you don't believe me go to Google and search "Kardashian Hamptons" and you'll get about 17,500 news articles come up.   Meanwhile search "Hamptons Deer Cull" and you get 2 articles.   I'm so glad we have our priorities straight! Anyway, while you read about "13 Hot Spots Too Classy for the Kardashians" or even "9 Things to Know about their Summer in the Hamptons,"   I'm going to add one more tid-bit to the mix.   I'm hearing via the grapevine that producers for the show..... are not only asking to see if they can shoot in local restaurants and get all the patrons to sign releases but that they're also allegedly asking to get it for free!      Their claim is that their show has done a lot to help businesses increase traffic and everyone should be thrilled to have KK-K shoot in their restaurant.    SO, how is it going?   My sources say not so good.   The "K's" are going after spots that are already hot and don't need "Z" list celebrities to promote their business.   Think about it, do you really think the Hamptons A list need an endorsement from the Kardashians?    I'm sure Jerry Seinfeld and Gwyneth are both waiting with baited breath to see where they've decided to dine!   By the way, let's also be real here.. .they're living in NOYAC.... not Southampton... I'm dying to know if they've made it yet to Cromer's for some fried chicken or mac and cheese!?      

In honor of throwback Thursday, I'm doing a little plug for Stephen Talkhouse this weekend.  One of the best and underrated bands from the 1980's is playing tomorrow night.   Yes, the English Beat featuring Dave Wakeling is coming to town.   I've seen the band here a few times over the past few years and in a way, it's kind of a perennial.    Playing all their hits including "I Confess, Mirror in the Bathroom, Save it for Later" and even a few General Public songs (Wakeling was basically the heart of both bands), the show is amazing.  I think I'm too old to go to an arena and see anyone.     But the intimate setting of The Talkhouse makes for a really memorable night.    You can buy tickets here ahead of time and in case you don't know the band, here's one of my favorite songs by them... trust me you should go!

The Thing That Wouldn't Leave.... Dealing With Guests that Don't Take Hints!

It's about a week to go till all hell breaks loose here in the Hamptons.    We're of course talking about the official beginning of the summer season.   So while we trumpet the return of warm weather,  the traffic jams and Lyme disease there's also something else on the horizon.   As anyone who lives on the east end can tell you..... it's the return of the house guests!

Now, I know that my house is definitely much more fun now that ice has finally melted on the driveway.     So, it comes as no surprise to me that the casual requests for weekend visits increase ten fold when the mercury starts rising.      

While I love the guests there are times when having visitors can become a scene more frightening than a Steven Segall movie marathon!     In fact it reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live skit (back when it was funny) of "The Thing That Wouldn't Leave" (see the video below).     So, what do you do with guests that really believe "mi casa is su casa?"    Can you get them to leave with out being insulting?   Of course you can and I'm here to tell you how to do it!   It's a simple three phase tactic that Martha Stewart would love and yet you'll still have them running for the doors.  You might even get a thank you note later too!


The Thing Wouldn't Leave from AFTRS Radio on Vimeo.


Phase 1:  Internet Interception - It's a fast paced world and one would think that when visiting one of the most beautiful locations on earth, visitors here would actually enjoy shutting the world off!   HA!  Right!   In the Hamptons where dinner tables are silent only because everyone is texting someone else more interesting at another table, staying in touch is like air to breathe.    So what better way to give a guest a gentle nudge then to cutting off their connection to the world in addition to severing them from Netflix and sending their "House of Cards" addiction into a tailspin.... unplug the wifi router!    The fear of actually having to carry a conversation is often all you need to get your life back again and send your guest fleeing.  By the way, if my sister is reading this it actually did go down when you were here last time!  I swear!

The breakfast of chumps!

Phase 2: The Morning Jolt -  They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.   So what better way to suck the energy out of the overly intrusive guest then starting their day on the wrong foot!  Here's how you do it!  You hide the Keurig, the Starbucks and the bagels and instead replace them with something terrifying;   Instant coffee, generic cereal and tang!    Nothing says you couldn't care less than spending less!     After day one of having to run to town to actually get something potable and edible your guest will be dreaming of a blanket in Sheep Meadow!   "Trust me guys, Toasted Oats are actually better tasting than Cheerios!  Really!"

Yes, they'll have a headache and you'll get rid of one!

Phase 3: The Cold Shoulders - After a day of Soulcycle, beach combing and a walk down Ralph Lauren Boulevard....errrr... I mean Main St. East Hampton,  there is nothing more refreshing than a hot relaxing shower.   So what's a guest going to do when the hot water runs out before they have a chance to freshen up!   But alas you won't have to fib to your guest about a faulty hot water heater, you'll merely tell them it's part of your fitness routine.... you know using the cold to burn fat!     Think about this way, you're also helping them prevent their skin from drying out and invigorating their day since they didn't have any coffee that morning!     It's the alternative to Canyon Ranch and the only cost is you leave the house a day early!

In summary, this blog was done in the name of helping OTHERS.   All of the guest in my house are welcome to stay as long as they want... family is welcome to stay the entire month of July..... and guests of guests of relatives of guests are also welcome!  ANYTIME!

MY FINAL THOUGHT OF TODAY:  I see they're advertising a "new" production of Les Miserables on Broadway.    I was wondering do you get a choice of fish or chicken with this production?!

It's so good you'll drop your fork!

The Must Have Gadgets for Your Hamptons Summer 2014!

So, it's the first day of April... and I was hoping to put some humorous April Fools joke here on the old blog but alas I can't think of anything that would be really funny.   For example, I was going to say the Kardashians are coming to the Hamptons... but as we all know the joke is on us and they are REALLY COMING!   So, if you think about it, nothing is as funny as the truth in the Hamptons!   So, that's why I'm just going to start think positive thoughts and start my countdown to summer.

One of the things I like doing this time of year is peruse the catalogs and websites for some cool stuff for this coming summer.    You know, the must have conversation pieces for this summer BBQ or pool party!   So, here are some of my favorites for the Summer 2014 in no particular order.

THE GRASS PRINTER:  This gadget makes it possible to mow graphics or messages right onto your lawn!  It's also ideal for real estate agents when the owner won't let you post a sign.  "That's fine but you really do need your lawn cut for the open house.   Do you mind if I take care of it for you?"  Now the lawn says "FOR SALE - CALL FOR APPOINTMENT."    Just imagine how good my profile will look in Kentucky Blue Grass!   Apparently this gadget won some "Red Dot Design" concept and while I'm not sure what exactly that means, I guess it's good.   I also imagine setting this loose on my neighbor's lawn that's overgrown saying "cut me!"   There's no information right now on cost but you can click the link here for more information.

THE WINE LOCK:  This is the perfect device for those of who have housemates who like to take a nip here or there without bothering to replace the vino!   Why they didn't have this when I was in college I'll never know.   But for $21.99 a lock, I could have protected my six packs for a around $125 bucks!   While I'm not really sure I need this in my house,  I would strongly suggest it as a house warming gift for anyone doing a group share.    You can buy these right now on AMAZON.... but I have no idea if they'll sell them in bulk.

THE OUTDOOR TV:  If you're like me you miss going to the drive-in theatre during the summer months.   But as they say, everything old is new again.   For a mere $7000 bucks, you can get a weatherproof 65" LED TV to put up in the back yard or post on the front of your garage!    The TV is operational in temperatures up to 120 degrees Fahrenheit and as low as 20 degrees below.   Also great for kids who won't go outside to see friends... now they can be antisocial and play video games in the outdoors!     It's the must have for Hamptons couch potatoes!   Here's the link for more info!

DJI PHANTOM VISION 2:    Oh, if only Gladys Kravitz had been alive for this one!   It's a complete aerial camera system that transmits images directly to your smartphone!      It's the best way to see if your neighbors are having a better summer than you without having to fish for a lunch invitation!    You can fly for up to 25 minutes on a single charge and it also comes with a GPS return to home device.   It's available now for only $1,999.00 from B&H Photo.  


THE SKYBELL:   Unfortunately, not all of us can afford to have a butler answer the door and send away all of those unwanted house guests!  Luckily, we have the SkyBell Wifi Doorbell.   No, this isn't  an exclusive offering from Sky Mall but I'm sure they have it there too!   You can see, speak to and send away those guest while sipping a margarita in your pool.. via your smart phone!    It's also perfect for ignoring Jehovah's Witnesses, Girl Scouts and Amway sales people.     It's available online from Amazon or directly from SkyBell for about $200 bucks.   To me it's a no brainer, why do I have to stop watching my outdoor TV, while spying on my neighbors and drinking from my locked bottle of wine while relaxing on my lawn that says "go away" to answer the stupid door!    Hey, I can't wait for the summer of '14!

  

5 Big Reasons Your House Hasn't Rented... Plus, News from the 31 Flavors!

So we've come to that time of the year when homeowners far and wide start calling real estate offices and saying, "How come nobody has rented OUR house?!"   Well, it's never easy getting to the bottom of the issue but there are 5 points that seem to be the do or die of Hamptons rentals.    I've spoken to agents all over the east end and the common responses seem to be the following....

From badmlsphotos.com MESSY AND DATED!

1) Dated Interiors - Does your home look like a chic clean hotel room or your great aunts house that hasn't been updated since after the Eisenhower administration?! Think about who the people are that rent for the summer season.  It's mostly successful urban professionals who  want clean, modern and easy to maintain interiors.   Expensive rugs, white sofas and antique end tables may all look great but they scare the heck out of potential tenants who fear losing money (security deposits).   Just think about it this way, if you were checking into a hotel and it looked like your house, would you wan to stay there?    If not, go to Pottery Barn and get yourself some new digs.    It may not be everyone's bag but it's what rents!

2) Smells - Everyone loves the smell of "home" but if that involves wet dog or cigarettes, I can guarantee you nobody is going to want to rent your house.    But that doesn't mean if you're a dog lover (like me) or a smoker (like my dog) your out of luck.    Call a local carpet cleaner and have both the rugs and furniture done.    It's also not a bad idea to cook some cookies before showing the house.    It's not about the smell, although it don't hurt.  It's really about the cookies.  Brokers and agents always like to eat and when they're happy the potential renters are happy (Hint: Chocolate Chip)!

Man's best and smelliest friend!

3) Access - Make it easy for agents to show your property.     Be ready to show your house at any time or any day.    Thursday's between 1-4 while good for you might not work for most agents.    Renting a home is going to be a bit of a task, you're going to have to keep it clean while showing and be ready at a moments notice.   There's a reason why you're getting that big check, nothing in life is that easy!    If your really want to promote your house, think about hosting a weekend open house to encourage easy showing.

4) Be A Fair Landlord - Here's something you might not have thought of but agents in the Hamptons talk to each other!  Now, how is that going to effect your chances for renting?   Well if last season you involved the agent in a war over a $2000 deduction for a broken coffee cup, odds are you're a marked man or woman!    As I said in a previous blog, document the condition of your home but don't look for the deposit to be an income generator!   There are landlords who have a reputation for being unpleasant and difficult and agents avoid showing these homes like the plague.    So you want a few names?  You'll have to buy me a drink first! HA!

5) Price - ahhhhh the last and most important item on the list.   As a builder once told me on the east end, "there's a butt for every seat.... it just depends on how much they're willing to pay for the chair."
You're house doesn't have to look like something from Architectural Digest but then again don't ask the same price of the house that really was in the magazine!   If you're curious about what price to ask for a summer rental, my generic rule of thumb has always been 3.5% to 5% of the value of the home for Memorial Day to Labor Day with August garnering half of that amount.     Now, I know not every agent or broker will agree with the formula but I've always found it's a fairly good place to start.

Finally, speaking of open houses... yes I mentioned them in paragraph 3.... My best friends sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who spoke to the broker at the 31 Flavors last night who told me they heard I really don't give out the I-
Pads at my open houses.  Well I have news for you... yes I do!   I always say agents show what they know and it's my job to get them there!  That's my promise to my sellers.  One thing that I've found that works is a good "give away."   So don't believe me ask Peter Moore of Corcoran, Mary Slattery of Corcoran, Ann Ciardullo of Sotheby's, Nancy Howell of Corcoran or Justin Agnello of Douglas Elliman among others.... It's the real deal!   So as for the gossip monger at the 31 Flavors,  "You're still here?  It's over.. it's over.  Go Home!"

How Your Iphone Can Save You a Bundle on Your Hamptons Summer Rental.... Plus, Answering Those Pesky Questions About Insurance in the Hamptons!!!

As Roseanne Roseanneadanna used to say, "it's always something" and that goes double for anyone who is thinking about becoming a landlord or tenant during the Hamptons rental season.    While the always informative John Viteritti recently suggested in Hamptons.com to get it in writing, the incidents of craziness somehow still manage to find themselves into both sides of the equation. Yes,

Roseanne Rosanneadanna 

the tenant who demands a refund because the toaster doesn't work on one side or the landlord who changes the locks because you've had too many house guests (yes, both are true incidents), having things in writing is really really important.   But you know there's one other thing that both sides can do to protect themselves, their wallets and their sanity; take pictures!   Yep, a simple photograph and not anything provocative that a landlord might find say in a porn movie or magazine and get upset about (yeah, that happened out here too) but rather pictures of the furniture, the rugs, the walls and of the general condition of the house.

The Summer tenant and landlords potential best friend!

It's so simple and with smart phones now taking better quality photos than ever before there is no excuse.    If you're the landlord or the tenant, go through the house from top to bottom and make sure you show the sofa stain that was or wasn't there.    Show the rug that has the coffee stain or that was just freshly cleaned.  In other words, make sure that you document the condition of the house!   I've seen way too many fights over security deposits to name so why not take the extra half hour and get proof about the condition of the property.   In most smart phones, the photographs and videos are saved with time and date so that also eliminates any question about when potential damages happened.    So take it from me and no matter how nice your landlord or tenants seem, tell the sofa to say "cheese" and take it's picture.     You'll thank me later... its good insurance that your protected!  

Speaking of insurance, it's one of the most widely asked questions by potential buyers in the Hamptons.   In fact, Mr. Richard Failor from Fort Lee, NJ recently wrote me and asked;  Can I get insurance in the Hamptons? Will it be expensive?   Do I have to buy insurance on my house?  What about flooding?  Hey, you know what Mr. Failor, you're driving me nuts!    So rather than spending time to research and answer all of your annoying questions, I sat down with John Wiltershire who is director in the personal insurance department and private client services unit at Frank Crystal and Associates in Southampton and got him to give me the skinny on INSURANCE IN THE HAMPTONS......

LINK-O-RAMA! Get Your Hamptons Beach Passes Right Now!

The Hottest ticket avoid-er around!

I recently mentioned to a friend that I had posted all the links to get East Hampton Village, EH Town, Southampton Village and SH Town beach permits.   "Where did you post it?"   In my latest blog!  "I didn't see that and I read it!"  After interrogating said friend with a "True or False" quiz about Hamptons Chatter, I knew they were telling the truth!   But apparently this person along with everybody else never scrolled down to the bottom of the page.   Sheesh, ( singing "or by a comma when the feeling is not as strong!") You people are l-a-z-y!   So here they are again in all their internet glory.  By the way, a little bird told me they've already sold about 1/3 (1000 of the approximate 3000) of the permits!!!!This is getting insane. It's only February and we have a foot of snow on the ground!    Anyway, happy thoughts...I've also included a few links to some recent articles about the Hamptons markets!  Happy Permitting all!

BEACH PERMIT LINKS!

East Hampton Village Beach Permits
East Hampton Town Beaches
Southampton Town Beaches
Southampton Village Beach Permits

NOWS THE TIME TO SNAG THAT SUMMER RENTAL, NY Post:

http://nypost.com/2014/02/12/nows-the-time-to-snag-that-hamptons-summer-rental/

THE NEW RULES OF THE HAMPTONS, Wall Street Journal:

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304428004579355200190620442

HAMPTONS HOUSE: MAKE MINE NEW, NY Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/realestate/hamptons-house-make-mine-new.html?_r=0

The Hottest Hamptons Housewarming Gift…. plus a quick Summer 2014 Rental Guide... AND LINKS TO GET YOUR BEACH PASSES !

The best house warming in the Hamptons!

One thing new comers will discover when they come here is the cell phone service out here is the pits.    I've had both AT&T and Verizon and I don't care what their ads say, both their coverage out here stinks!    From Noyac Rd. to Scuttle Hole Rd to Sagaponack South to the Northwest Woods, getting even one bar from any service is wishful thinking!   Hello, can you hear me now????  NO!    Although this particular condition is particularly handy when listening to boring conversations from friends discussing their latest posting on face book.  "I'm sorry, the signal out here is terrible." 

This is the reason that one of the hottest house warming gifts on the east end, from this agent at least (and a few other smart agents)  is a "micro cell tower." I live in East Hampton outside the village and I was long been frustrated by getting 10 voice messages every time I left my house.   But no more! I fixed that by getting the AT&T 3G MircoCell.   Now in my house I get about 5 bars, where before I got zippo!   The cost was about $150 from AT&T or you can do a quick search on E-bay where you can get them for as little as $99.    I've given several away to friends and customers and it was a hit and for a few a life saver (well not literally maybe more of a social life saver).   I've heard stories about the providers sending the towers for free if you bitch badly enough, but I hate groveling and I'd rather just pay the money and move on!   If you need more details, call your provider and ask them, "can you hear me now?"

This coming weekend for many real estate agents on the east end marks the beginning of the traditional summer rental season.   While summer rentals can start as early as the prior year, most Hampton visitors tend to look east beginning President's Day Weekend.    Well before you trek out here, let me remind everyone that renting out east is a bit different from renting an extended hotel room.      For 3 months a year at least, you pretty much own a house.    Also, unless you're ready to shell out a big hunk of change, odds are you'll be driving your car to the beach rather than walking.     So before you pile everyone into that Plymouth Duster you better make sure you have a parking permit sticker!     Last year, I posted a quick video on the "Ask Elliman" site, to give a good overall introduction to spending their summer at the beach.   I'm posting it again to remind everyone... that along with the links for east town's permit website.   So you can get the ball rolling for Summer '14 in the comfort of your own home.



BEACH PERMIT LINKS!

East Hampton Village Beach Permits
East Hampton Town Beaches
Southampton Town Beaches
Southampton Village Beach Permits



    

It's that time of year, Beach Permits are selling like hot cakes... again!!! Plus, bracing for the rude Hamptons!

Yep, the snow just melted but already we're fast approaching the end of the line for the most prized posession of Summer 2013!  I'm of course talking about East Hampton Village Beach permits.   While the price has risen to $375.00 for this coming season, that hasn't stopped the rush.    While town permits for East Hampton Town and Southampton Village and Town beach permits are unlitmited and they don't run out, EHV sells about 3000.    As of today, there are only about 300 or so permits left.   So, if you're curious how to get a permit and where you can use them, click here.   That means there are only about 10% left, sadly I had to use a calculator to figure that out.    So unless you want to bike to beach after that Fly Wheel spin class you better hurry!!!

So, while Summer is right around the corner that got me to thinking is it really that bad out here during the season?  I mean are the lines at the Golden Pear any longer ... are the waiters and waitresses less patient... is the parking lot at King Kullen any less aggressive?   Well in my 3rd and final chat with author Steven Gaines and film reviewer and stand up comic Bill McCuddy we addressed the very nature of Hamptons culture... RIGHT OR RUDE!?  Which also happens to be the name of Bill's new web page and facebook fan page.   Check it out and let me know what you think.

 

 

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccck! Again. Today's topic... an unsuspecting, devastating and very stylish looking danger in the Hamptons!!!

So, June was indeed a busy month for me.  But I'm not going to go into that.  I've got a few good blog postings in me and I promise I'll try to get them out soon!  So where to begin?  

Innocent looking... yes!?

Well, the thing that came to mind and got me back to my keyboard was a little tidbit that came from a friend who's a volunteer fireman in Bridgehampton.    While I see many folks out there in the Hamptons pouring into Spanks and hiking the beach in Christian Louboutin's all for the sake of appearances.  Where am I going with this?  Well, the town of East Hampton just bought matching Moncler outfits for their entire fire department!  Just kidding.   Let me get back to my point that is really actually quite off point.  

Well you know those shiny candle lanterns that adorn so many Hamptons landscapes, well apparently they're  deadly?  Ok, well maybe not deadly but they created a virtual TOWERING INFERNO the other day in Bridgehampton that would do Irwin Allen proud!   Apparently one home owner left one of these stylish and sleek adornments outside during last weeks heat wave.  The problem was the glass on the lantern acted as a sort of magnifying glass and burned a hole right in the side of the unsuspecting homeowners beautiful cedar shake abode!  YIKES!   Talk about a need for some Restoration Hardware... get it?

Finally, a little chuckle from the crazy tenants file!  You know that red switch for the furnace and hot water heater?  Well in some of the older homes, these switches look like something more out of Doctor Frankensteins lab.  I mean Dr. Frankunsteen's lab.   Anyway, its a bad place for your wife to hang her purse!  Because when you hang a purse on the switch, it goes down and the furnace goes off and you have no hot water.  It's that simple.  You're a CEO and you needed me to figure that one out?!  Just saying!