Monday, April 14, 2014

Do You Make the Cut?! Take the Quiz to See if You Qualify for The Hamptons "A LIST!"

When I was younger, I once asked my mother about one of my friends who always bragged about the  money his family had.   She told me, "real money whispers, it doesn't scream."    Hmmmmm..... "does that mean we have money?"  She then laughed and said "hardly."    Anyway,  I kind of feel the same way about a lot of things.   I don't trust the guy who always claims he's "honest" and I don't believe the person who brags about their social status.

If you booked it 20 minutes ago, you're A List!
That being said, It was the late 80's and I was living in NYC having fun, care free, poor and young.    I had no clue about how some people view the world.   So, it was a shock to me when one of my close friends at the time announced to me he no longer wished to hang the same haunts with me anymore because, "there are no "A" list people in this crowd."   OK!   Who knew New Orleans (where this person lived before NY) was a training ground for New York's elite.    Silly me.   Well low and behold that same person is here in the Hamptons and no doubt glomming where ever there is glomming to be done!  So that had me thinking.  How do you really know if you're on the "A" list in the Hamptons?   After consulting with some of my fave' Hamptons Chatter consultants I came up with the following quiz to help folks know where they rank in the hierarchy!    So take the quiz if you dare!    I'll let you know how you did at the end!

Question 1:   It's a Saturday night in July and you have 2 house guests.   There are 4 of you total and you all decide at the last minute to go out to dinner.   Do you...

A)   Not sweat it, there are like 5 restaurants you can call who will sneak you in!
B)   Run over a few minutes early and hope they remember you and get you to the top of the list.
C)   Go to the restaurant of choice and put your name on the list and wait.
D)   Suggest the Princess Diner.
E)   Burger bites to go from the Hess station in Wainscott.

Question 2:  When it comes to getting a beach sticker, you....

A)  Ask "what's a beach sticker?  I just walk out my door! "
B)  Get a new one and put it on your "beach car" next to the past 5 years of stickers!
C)  Don't need one, we bike!
D)  Convince everyone Mastic-Shirley is still the Hamptons and hop in the car!
Yeah, Mariska is A list!

Question 3:  When discussing Hamptons Magazine or Dan's, you remind everyone...
A)  "I've been on the cover." (or in the case of Dan's painted the cover)
B)  "Been profiled and or been on the "list" more than once!"
C)  you were once in party picture, because you "photo bombed Alec Baldwin."
D)  you've "never been in Hamptons or Dan's" but you're a "regular in the Press police blotter."

Question 4:  Location is everything and your home is ...
A) South of the Highway and super close to the beach.
B) Village/Village Fringe and definitely a good hood.
C)  A 30 minute drive to town away from it all but really we don't mind.
D) Can't really say, they make us move the trailer every two weeks.

A "C" list event!
Question 5: My typical Summer Saturday night consists of...
A) Inviting everyone to a fabulous benefit and I'm on the host committee.
B) Going to a fabulous benefit and my friend is on the host committee.
C) Hiding a bottle of booze, grabbing dinner from Citarella and heading to a beach.
D) Going to a dinner followed by Kareoke at my real estate agent's house.
E) I desperately remain at home, inventing lovers on the phone.

 Question 6:  How would you best describe the interior of your home?
A)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer create a unique style.
B)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me from DWR/Restoration Hardware.
C)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer from Home Goods in Riverhead.
D)  I had a fabulous up and coming designer help me who was institutionalized in '73.
E)  I had my mother give me her old furniture.

Question 7:  In the Hamptons being spotted with a celebrity is social gold!  Would you say you hang with...
A)  Madge, Jerry, J-Lo and we rotate hosting!
B)  My friend who won a Emmy/Grammy or Tony back in the 80's/90's!
C)  My friend who was a Real Housewife!
D)  Khloe and Kourtney ... in fact, I found them their store location!
E)   My friend who was a guest on Jerry Springer!  But the kid wasn't his.

Question 8:  When traveling to the East End in the summer do you...
Dan's your gateway to A- List!
A)   Stay put at the beach till Labor Day.
B)   Have your driver take the back roads on Thursdays and Tuesdays.
C)   Take the Ambassador or Luxury Liner.
D)   Take the NJ Transit Casino bus to AC with the $15 in free quarters.

Question 9:   One institution in the Hamptons is Murph's Tavern in Sag Harbor.    You ....
A) have been a few times with the nanny or tennis instructor so don't tell my spouse.
B) Remark, "That bar on 114,  I went a few times."
C) Get your mail delivered there!
D) Sniff "Never, someone might see me!"

Question 10:   A topic of conversation at dinner is ...
A) The difficulty in finding a good personal chef!
B) The difficulty in finding a good caterer!
C) The difficulty in finding good take out food!
D) The A****** on the "B" weekend who keeps stealing your booze out of the refrigerator!

So here's the key.... A answers are worth 10 points.  B- 8 Points  C- 7 Points   D-6 points
E - minus one point and if none of the answers apply 7.5 points.   Now grade yourself like you were back in High School!  If you scored...

90-100 --YOU ARE "A" LIST!!! You are Hamptons Royalty and probably shouldn't be reading this blog.  Trust me it's beneath you.

80-89--    You are definitely B-List.   I scored an 80 so I made B-List by the hair of my chinny chin chin!  So there you have it my friend had every right to dump me!  I'm soooo not A-List!

70-79    You are on the C list but loving life and I want to hang with you!

69 and below  Can I recommend Wildwood Crest or Seaside Heights?

FINAL SCORING: Minus 90 points if you took this quiz seriously you loser!    Otherwise, let me know how you did!  Post away!

Monday, April 7, 2014

Spring Clean Up Time.... and are you Dirty Dining??!

"Spring has sprung, the grass has riz'.  I wonder where the birdie is?   The little bird it's on the wing.  No that's absurd the little wing is on the bird"  - Curly Howard

Yes, spring is beginning to poke its head in the Hamptons.   That of course means time to get your  house and home ready for the avalanche of new friends and guests that seem to appear about the same time as the tulips and daffodils bloom!     But as we all know, those bulbs and flowers don't bloom themselves.   A beautiful garden takes prep!  It also requires a spring clean up and recently I discussed this very topic with the talented and affable Frederico Azevedo from Unlimited Earth Care in Bridgehampton.     Here are some of his basic suggestions to make sure you have a house beautiful!  

Speaking of seasonal clean ups, there are a few food establishments on the East End that need to get their acts together.   In case you missed the headlines, there has been quite a stir in the city lately with the home of the "cronut" Dominique Ansel bakery... (I'll have cronut hold the Mickey please).... and Per Se having lots of drama with health inspectors.    So that got me thinking (yes occasionally that happens),  "Self,  are the restaurants in the Hamptons clean?"
This is a better image then seeing a mouse in a kitchen, right?

While it would be great to see those grades on windows like they have in the city, no such thing exists in Suffolk County. So naturally that means you need to go on the web and do some snooping of course!  Now, I'm happy to report that while all my favorite establishments have received a clean report card, there are others in the Hamptons that weren't so lucky.  So what are some of the violations?  Well, not to gross you out but apparently inspectors found everything from moldy cheese, improperly stored fish and poultry, uncovered rodent bait stations to some employees who don't like washing their hands!!!     So, who were the guilty parties?  I'll never tell you need to go the link here and see for yourself.   Be careful,  you might not like what you find!!!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Must Have Gadgets for Your Hamptons Summer 2014!

So, it's the first day of April... and I was hoping to put some humorous April Fools joke here on the old blog but alas I can't think of anything that would be really funny.   For example, I was going to say the Kardashians are coming to the Hamptons... but as we all know the joke is on us and they are REALLY COMING!   So, if you think about it, nothing is as funny as the truth in the Hamptons!   So, that's why I'm just going to start think positive thoughts and start my countdown to summer.

One of the things I like doing this time of year is peruse the catalogs and websites for some cool stuff for this coming summer.    You know, the must have conversation pieces for this summer BBQ or pool party!   So, here are some of my favorites for the Summer 2014 in no particular order.

THE GRASS PRINTER:  This gadget makes it possible to mow graphics or messages right onto your lawn!  It's also ideal for real estate agents when the owner won't let you post a sign.  "That's fine but you really do need your lawn cut for the open house.   Do you mind if I take care of it for you?"  Now the lawn says "FOR SALE - CALL FOR APPOINTMENT."    Just imagine how good my profile will look in Kentucky Blue Grass!   Apparently this gadget won some "Red Dot Design" concept and while I'm not sure what exactly that means, I guess it's good.   I also imagine setting this loose on my neighbor's lawn that's overgrown saying "cut me!"   There's no information right now on cost but you can click the link here for more information.

THE WINE LOCK:  This is the perfect device for those of who have housemates who like to take a nip here or there without bothering to replace the vino!   Why they didn't have this when I was in college I'll never know.   But for $21.99 a lock, I could have protected my six packs for a around $125 bucks!   While I'm not really sure I need this in my house,  I would strongly suggest it as a house warming gift for anyone doing a group share.    You can buy these right now on AMAZON.... but I have no idea if they'll sell them in bulk.

THE OUTDOOR TV:  If you're like me you miss going to the drive-in theatre during the summer months.   But as they say, everything old is new again.   For a mere $7000 bucks, you can get a weatherproof 65" LED TV to put up in the back yard or post on the front of your garage!    The TV is operational in temperatures up to 120 degrees Fahrenheit and as low as 20 degrees below.   Also great for kids who won't go outside to see friends... now they can be antisocial and play video games in the outdoors!     It's the must have for Hamptons couch potatoes!   Here's the link for more info!

DJI PHANTOM VISION 2:    Oh, if only Gladys Kravitz had been alive for this one!   It's a complete aerial camera system that transmits images directly to your smartphone!      It's the best way to see if your neighbors are having a better summer than you without having to fish for a lunch invitation!    You can fly for up to 25 minutes on a single charge and it also comes with a GPS return to home device.   It's available now for only $1,999.00 from B&H Photo.  

THE SKYBELL:   Unfortunately, not all of us can afford to have a butler answer the door and send away all of those unwanted house guests!  Luckily, we have the SkyBell Wifi Doorbell.   No, this isn't  an exclusive offering from Sky Mall but I'm sure they have it there too!   You can see, speak to and send away those guest while sipping a margarita in your pool.. via your smart phone!    It's also perfect for ignoring Jehovah's Witnesses, Girl Scouts and Amway sales people.     It's available online from Amazon or directly from SkyBell for about $200 bucks.   To me it's a no brainer, why do I have to stop watching my outdoor TV, while spying on my neighbors and drinking from my locked bottle of wine while relaxing on my lawn that says "go away" to answer the stupid door!    Hey, I can't wait for the summer of '14!