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Thursday, July 23, 2015

HAMPTONS PEOPLE: THE ONE APP YOU MUST DOWNLOAD THIS WEEKEND!!!!

The menus!!! yess!
HALLELUJAH!  (Yes, I had to look it up to spell correctly)  The Hamptons is ready to enter the 21st century!  Well even though it still feels like 1975 here ( i.e. the IGA in E. Hampton), the folks at POSTMATES have decided to launch in our own quaint little part of the world.   So, I hear you now, "what is POSTMATES?"   Well it's the only app you need to download this weekend for survival in the Hamptons.   With this app you can get delivery service in under an hour, anywhere from Southampton to Montauk!   PSYCH! That means, you can order from La Fondita (Tacos), The East Hampton Grill (French Dip),  Sam's (Chicken Parm) and even Levain Bakery (Oatmeal Cookies) and get it delivered right to your front door.  But wait it gets better... seconds after you place the order you'll get real time tracking information for your order.    Its also available for Android and online at Postmates.com.  Delivery fees start at 5$ and are calculated based on distance along with a 9% service fee which is applied to your order. Let's hope these guys are the new UBER of Hamptons delivery (but not the UBER of E. Hampton)!    My friend Bernie ordered from POSTMATES last week and had his "Sam's" at the house in 45 minutes.   But wait, it gets better.... the delivery guy refused to take the tip and was friendly!!!    I mean everyone wants a tip jar now, in fact I just saw one at the DMV last week!   Finally something we really need in the Hamptons!   I only have one question about POSTMATES that has yet to be answered:   Will they deliver one of those hot dogs from Speedway Gas?


This year, like last year my house is becoming a virtual revolving door of guests and relatives.   It's not that I don't love ALL my friends and relatives.   BUT every once in a while I hear some of my friends need down time.    So what can they do??   How can they get their guests to leave without being insulting?    Well here are a few easy tricks that will have them running to the Jersey Shore... and perhaps even get you a thank you host/hostess gift in the process!  So here it is.... HOUSE CLEANING 2015!

 The Thing Wouldn't Leave from AFTRS Radio on Vimeo.


Trick 1:  Internet Interception - It's a fast paced world and one would think that when visiting one of the most beautiful locations on earth, visitors here would actually enjoy shutting the world off!   HA! In the Hamptons where dinner tables are silent only because everyone is texting someone else more interesting at another table, staying in touch is like air to breathe.    So what better way to give a guest a gentle nudge then to cutting off their connection to the world in addition to severing them from Netflix and sending their "Orange is the New Black" addiction into a tailspin.... unplug the wifi router!  Remember, cell service is a joke out here so that wifi signal is also a lifeline to e-mail, Twitter and Facebook!   I know it's cruel but really aren't they here to hang with you anyway?  
The breakfast of chumps!

Trick 2: The Morning Jolt -  They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.   So what better way to suck the energy out of the overly intrusive guest then starting their day on the wrong foot!  Here's how you do it!  You hide the Keurig, the Starbucks and the bagels and instead replace them with something terrifying;   Instant coffee, generic cereal and Tang!    Nothing says you couldn't care more by spending less!     After day one of having to run to town to actually get something potable and edible your guest will be dreaming of a blanket in Sheep Meadow!   "Trust me guys, Toasted Oats are actually better tasting than Cheerios!  Really!"

Yes, they'll have a headache and you'll get rid of one!
Trick 4: The Cold Shoulders - After a hot sweaty day in the beach, there is nothing more refreshing than a nice relaxing shower.   So what's a guest going to do when the hot water runs out before they have a chance to freshen up!   But alas you won't have to fib to your guest about a faulty hot water heater, you'll merely tell them it's part of your fitness routine.... you know using the cold to burn fat!     Think about this way, you're also helping them prevent their skin from drying out and invigorating their day since they didn't have any coffee that morning!     It's the alternative to Canyon Ranch and the only cost is you leave the house a day early!   As for cleaning off in the pool.... that's disgusting... shower before swimming.

Trick 4:  Keep it Dry -  Clean the house of all beer, wine and vodka and tell them it's a booze free zone.   While yes, I know you don't need a drink to have fun... most Hamptons visitors want their sun and their Rose.   Imagine this, a house full of hungry, sober people with no Internet reception or emails having to sit around talk to each other?     I'd leave too!

REMINDER, this blog was done in the name of helping OTHERS.   All of the guest in my house are welcome to stay as long as they want... family is welcome to stay the entire month of July..... and guests of guests of relatives of guests are also welcome!  ANYTIME!






Thursday, July 16, 2015

!! YES!!! I USE TOO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! BUT I'M TALKING WINE,PUPPIES AND WHAT TOWN IS FOR YOU!!!

For the party animals in us all!
It's not the dog days of summer yet but its time for some doggone fun!   UGH.  Even I know that is a really bad pun!  First a little advertisement for a REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD CAUSE!   The Southampton Animal Shelter holds it's Fourth Annual Unconditional Love Gala this Saturday.   The shelter was originally operated by the town but due to budget cuts, the town shut the shelter.   A group of concerned locals got together to save the shelter and formed the Southampton Animal Shelter Foundation!  Ok, I'm a total sucker for animal charities.   I give to the ASPCA, ARF and I bought a ticket to this event.   I know my stigmata wounds are already acting up... I'm a saint!   It's a great cause.... a really fun benefit and you can help out some of the cutest Hamptonites around!  You know the cute friendly ones who don't cut you off, text and drive, brag about their decorator or flash their Panerai!  Bella and Russell can't go but I know are giving their full support to the benefit.   Thanks to my friends Sarah Alvarez and Molly Molly for telling me about this event!  If you want to purchase tickets and help out... CLICK HERE!

So often I get asked as a real estate agent, "which town is best?"    You know, that's a really hard question to answer.   I really think every town has some very unique benefits and it's own pluses and minuses.     So I developed a little quiz here to help you find the town that's right for you.... it's fun...
it's silly... and eerily accurate;  So here we go.

1)   On Saturday afternoons your footwear of choice during the summer is ...
       a) Barefoot
Where should you go???
       b) Gucci or Prada
       c) Teva's
       d) Custom Monogrammed slippers

2)    While driving a convertible around town, Paula Abdul comes on the radio.  Do you...
        a) Remark "she was a singer? or "Who TF."
        b) Remark "I wish they were playing "Straight-up."
        c) Reduce the volume and hope nobody hears you listening.
        d) You would never play the radio while your top was down!

3)    My idea of a memorable evening is.....
        a) Not remembering how I got home.
        b) Sitting next to Gwyneth and Jerry at The Grill.
        c) Getting an invite for sailing and sunset cocktails.
        d) Hosting an awesome dinner party and getting some great hostess gifts!

4)     My favorite drink before dinner is...
         a) Red Bull and Vodka.
         b) A nice Rose or Sancerre.
         c) An awesome margarita with
         d) A martini... shaken not stirred.


Wolffer Kitchen is open!
Well here are the results... if you answered "a" to more than three of the questions, you need to hang in Montauk baby.   More than 3 "b" answers you should try East Hampton to Water Mill.... "c" It's Sag Harbor or Amagansett or Hampton Bays.... and "d" it's Southampton or Quogue.   If you answered less than 3, leave me alone.  I don't have all day to write this damn blog.

Finally, what's the latest buzz in Sag Harbor?  Well the Cuddy has set sail and Wolffer Kitchen has arrived in port.   The soft opening was last night and tonight they'll be serving food and hopefully lots of Wolffer Rose to keep that Summer Buzz going.   They'll be unlocking the doors tonight at 5.  I'll ty to stop by or at the very least get the early reviews to you asap.   If you're curious about the complete menu... click here.




     



Thursday, July 9, 2015

DOPPIO'S DILEMNA.... AND YOU KNOW IT'S AUGUST ...UMMMM JULY IN THE HAMPTONS WHEN......

Yesterday's tomorrow is today.... right?
It's Peyton Place in Sag Harbor these days as the questions abound.... Is Doppio history or on hiatus.   Yesterday, state officials along with a few men in blue (you never know when some employee might want to sneak off with salt and pepper shakers) came in and locked the restaurant down and threw up a "SEIZED" sign!   Well it didn't take long but a few hours later one of the owners or employees was out there with a sign and free lemonade promising it will be "back to business as normal."   Well it's now 11:30 am and Hamptons Chatter was late to go to press today and the doors are all still locked and there isn't an employee in site. There is also no lemonade today but did you really think someone could serve free drinks in Sag Harbor without getting into trouble?

Rumors about Doppio's demise have been floating around since this winter.    After a promising start and lots of fanfare last year bad attitudes and mediocre food turned the eatery into a ghost town by Labor Day.   This year I have to say the food has improved and the staff is a heck of a lot friendlier.    Everyone should get a second chance and I'm hoping they make it work.    I'll keep you updated on the progress and update here as needed.    It would be fun to set up a webcam, right?

UPDATE 2:38pm:  It's still closed, still dark and Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
UPDATE 4:19pm:  The day glow orange sign is gone and they're getting ready to reopen.  A stirring saga is over. 

Bad reviews can't stop this bear!

  • Meanwhile, it's beginning to feel a lot like August around here int he Hamptons.   I know every year we all complain the crowds are bigger, the traffic is worse, the lines are longer, blah, blah, blah than the year before.   But you know what?  I'm convinced it really is crazier than ever out here ... and there isn't a Kardashian in sight!   The way I know is the annual tell tale signs, that usually happen in late August are already upon us.   It's like a swallows of Capistrano situation here but with BMW's.   Here are the signs it's bursting at the seams on the East End;


A movie like "Ted 2" can sell out on Sunday night at 10pm.   Yes, it's only scored a lame 45% on Rotten Tomatoes but it's doing bang up business in East Hampton.   I can't imagine anyone wanting to pay to see this after the director's really really bad "A Million Ways to Die in the West,"  but if your choice is between this and "Me, Earl and the Dying Girl" one title does sound a little better for fun summer viewing.

Scads of Toddlers are playing under hot coffee pots at bagel stores and coffee shops while their attentive parents are texting away on their I-phones!   Now, I always find this annual occurrence to be a bit scary.  I mean I'm not a parent nor do I have any intuitive parental skills but I kind of find it stupid to let children play unsupervised under a scalding coffee pot!    Call me wacky!

It takes an hour to get from Southampton to East Hampton village on a week night and Sag Harbor Village looks like East Hampton Village!    Folks, if you live within walking distance to any of these villages (remember that's why you paid what you did!), why in the world are you driving a 10th of a mile to get there?!  Getting stuck in traffic on Butter Lane.... I'm sorry I just don't get it!   But then again there are a lot of things I don't understand..... like why everyone and their mother is now publishing a magazine this summer!  I read Hamptons Magazine, Hamptons Real Estate Showcase  and Dan's.... sorry that's it folks... the rest I toss in the circular file!   I would also read Curbed.com if it ever went to print... I hope I earn brownie points on these.

The uniform at Rowdy Hall is Gucci, Prada and Birkin  The home of Hamptons casual and arguably one of the best burgers around becomes a tornado of tags and logos as the normally low key crowd gets outnumbered and out dressed.    I know it's competitive out there and everyone wants too look good but isn't this a casual beach community?  Couldn't we all just embrace the softer side of Sears?  hahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaahhahhah