Wednesday, August 24, 2016

5 Hacks for Surviving the Hamptons... plus great beach music!!

The answer for crappy cell service!Click here to buy on Amazon! 
Well this is the home stretch folks and if you're like me,  the glass is half full.  We have a couple more weeks of summer!!!   Yes, there's more left of "Summergeddon 16" in the Hamptons and believe it or not, there are a few things you can make these next few weeks more enjoyable.  

Get a microcell for your cell phone - One of the biggest complaints people have about being on the east end is that their phones just don't work.  But it doesn't have to be the case.  You can go to your local service provider and buy a mini "cell tower" that hooks up to your internet for about $150.   You could also try calling them and see if they'll cut you some slack and send you one for free.   Sometimes they'll do that when you're in a zone with no "mapped" coverage.   It's bad enough for house guest but Lord knows even locals go nuts with the dead zones out here!

In Southampton behind Chase... plenty of spots!
Learn where to park - Going to dinner, lunch or just picking up a Lululemon shirt can be a nightmare during the height of summer.   Driving up and down main street hoping that you'll be lucky and be granted a gift by your parking angel.  But what if that Escalade isn't pulling out for your Mini-Cooper any time soon?   In Southampton Village, haul your four tires around the corner and use the village parking behind the Chase bank and West Main.    In Sag Harbor, during the day try the lot next to Dodds and Eder on W. Water St.   In East Hampton, the Walbaum's lot is always a nightmare so instead try the lot off Gingerbread Lane Extension (by the YMCA) and cut through Herrick Park to the heart of the village.

Coming and Going -  We all know you don't leave the Hamptons on Sunday afternoons at 4 pm and you don't leave the city on Fridays from 11am-5pm... so when are the "optimal" times to make your trek back and forth?  Well since I'm now a full timer out here I had to ask a few of my friends who are citidiot's to get an answer.  What is the best time to go back and forth to the east end?  The answer; Friday nights around 7pm departure from the city and Monday am at about 8 am departing the Hamptons.  That is of course if you can't catch the "cannonball" from Penn Station.

Handling Your Hot Car - I'm not sure where I read this but when your car is a 105 degrees and it's only 80 outside, there's a simple hack that will cool it off ASAP.  I'm not sure how it works or why but it does. Open the passenger side window and then open and shut the driver side door a few times for about 15 seconds.  I kid you not, your car will be a whole lot cooler.   I failed physics in high school so if there are any geeks out there to explain this, I'm all ears.

See You in September -  Hello, summer doesn't end till until September 23rd.   I'm letting you know the best kept secret in the Hamptons... SEPTEMBER IS THE BEST MONTH.  You have warm weather, warm water, less crowds and virtually ever shop in town is having a sale!     It's my favorite time of year out here.    It will be yours too... by the way, all the hotels are cheaper too!

Finally... it's my blog so suffer.  I want to tell you what I'm listening to this summer.   I can do that!   For some reason I stumbled on the new album from ABC (Look of Love and When Smokey Sings fame).  It's called The Lexicon of Love II and it's a "sequel" to their album of the same name which was huge in '82.   I personally think it's awesome and it's great pop music for grown ups.   Take a listen to the clip below.  Yeah they look older but we all do!

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Finally... someone interviews Hamptons Chatter!!!

HAHA... CLICK BAIT... GOT CHA!     BUT DAMN IT... I'm upset
!!    Why do I keep reading all of these magazine profiles with everyone in the Hamptons but ME!    It's frustrating, I mean I'm more fabulous than the other guy you just profiled!   So rather than wait for some writer who doesn't really know me tell you how fabulous I am,  I've decided to tell you myself.   I mean it is the Hamptons and it is all about me!! So here is my interview with me about me...

So what brought you to the Hamptons?
I came out for a benefit to see my dear friend Christopher Rockefeller on a beautiful August day about 20 years ago.   I think it was a fundraiser for cats without tongues ("It's really a travesty they're the meow-less minority").  I am very involved in so many causes but I don't like to talk about them all, unless they honor me with a plaque. Anyway, I came out and just fell in love with the crowds that time of year.   It was so friendly and everyone just seemed to be enjoying themselves.  I mean how could I leave?

What don't you like about the Hamptons?
Oh I can't stand the McMansions.  They're horrible.   The one that I live in is not a McMansion at all, although some may think it looks like a really glamorous one.    I hate the McMansions look,  so I did some renovations to really make my house a home.  For example, when I moved in all of the dishwashers were Bosch, I switched them all to Miele.  Voila! The house feels so completely different now, it accents the granite counter tops in a whole new way!

Where is your favorite place for dinner?
My own house.    My wife, my boyfriend and my trainer found me the most fabulous private chef, Wolfgang Von Trapp.    His vegetarian chili served over his secret edel-rice is fabulous!   It's also gluten free, fat free and sodium free!    I mean who needs to go to a restaurant and see all those hungry people staring while you cut to the front of the line?    Eating at home is so much more civilized and when Wolfgang sings you'll feel like running to the top of our burm and start spinning!
It's an absolutely fabulous day when it's sunny!

What's your idea of the perfect summer afternoon in the Hamptons?
A warm sunny one.

How do you stay so fit?
I found this secret spin studio south of the highway off Georgica Pond which was started by a group of former Branch Dividians.   It's a whole new way of working out with bright lights, sleep deprivation and chanting.    I sometimes go three or four times a day!     It's reasonably priced too, just put them in your will and pay $50 for a 45 minute class.

What are you reading?
Right now I'm reading two books; "Being and Nothingness" by Jean-Paul Sarte and "Inferno" by Dan Brown.   I like to think when I read.

What's your favorite place to shop?
I like stores!  It's so incredible to go into a real building.  I know everyone else goes on and on about websites like Amazon and Zappos but you can't see how you'll look in front of other people on the Internet!  Besides isn't it a little weird to go to lunch after shopping on a computer?   There are no bags.

By the way, did we say you're charming, smart and good looking?!
You're welcome, I like to use Kiel's facial fuel.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Salsa... Soros... and more!

I've griped forever about how there isn't a good Mexican "sit down" restaurant in the Hamptons.    I've complained and complained.  Yes, I like La Fondita and Sabrosa but I can't really see having a nice quiet dinner at either location.     But this summer, it seems we finally can get the whole enchilada and enjoy it too!

First in Southampton is Union Cantina.   Located at the site of the former Southampton Public House,   the "Cantina" opened in mid-June and has been packing it's tables ever since.   So far, the reviews have been pretty good.   I haven't yet been but FOHC (Friends of Hamptons Chatter) have been telling me the foods pretty solid... not outstanding but good.    The standouts according to my sources are the enchiladas, roasted peach glazed pork and the freshly made salsa.  While the prices are certainly not Taco Bell they're not exactly Nello either.    So based on the word of mouth around town it seems Union Cantina is worth a visit.    If you've been, let me know what you think.

Secondly,  The Blue Parrot in East Hampton has long been a punch line for bad food and bad service in my book forever!  I went a few years ago when it first opened under the new management which includes Jon Bon Jovi and the girl from Jerry Maguire who has a name I can't spell.   The food was overpriced, lousy and served with a snarl from the surly staff.      If that wasn't bad enough they used to have a bouncer there which would have lead you to believe, folks were clamoring to get inside.... and they weren't.   Anyway, for whatever reason I decided to stop by for a visit last week after a hiatus of close to three years.      The first thing I encountered was a friendly staff and no bouncer!     I had to wait while my table was being prepped so I sat at the bar and had a really great margarita... at $15 bucks it was no bargain but the pour was generous and the mason jar/drinking glass was filled pretty high.   

I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I like you!!!
After about 5 minutes, the table was ready and I sat down as fresh tortilla chips and salsa were being dropped off at the table.      That was followed by the house Oaxaca salad and Lime Chipotle fajitas.  While I know fajitas aren't exactly gourmet and probably not the best way to judge the cuisine, I have to say they were really good and served with fresh made corn tortillas.     By the way, yes you can make bad fajitas I should know, I worked at a Chi Chi's in college (for those of you who don't know, it was the Mexican Olive Garden of the 80's).     My partner in crime Peter had the fish tacos which which also garnered a big thumbs up.      The final verdict is that I take back all the negative things I've said in the past about Blue Parrot.    The snarky Go Fund Me page for the chef to take cooking lessons has been taken down and my mea culpa is complete.     So ,  if you've not been to The Blue Parrot in years, take my advice and give it another shot.  

Finally, just in time for August some good news about what makes the Hamptons such a fun place to live.    According to sources, billionaire investor George Soros made a stop with a few friends at the American Hotel in Sag Harbor.   While that's not anything to set rumors flying what happened when the check was delivered is the interesting part.  Apparently Mr. S. (as I call him) paid his hefty check with 4 figures not including cents and added on a 100%+ tip for the staff.     While I haven't been able to confirm this Christmas come early gift from the tight lipped staff at the hotel... my sources are pretty reliable.     Besides, what's so wrong with being nice!?