IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK LIKE A HAMPTONS INSIDER... READ THIS!

It's now official, the Hamptons are now the sixth borough.    When you pick up your land line phone, you now have dial the area code for local calls.   It's not that it's a big deal but I kind of think it's the
tipping point for something.  I'm not sure what... but it's definitely a tipping point for something.

New Technology is coming to the Hamptons!

Meanwhile, I never realized it but when you sell real estate on the East End you start to speak a language all of it's own.   A few months ago I started noting the terms I use with some of my other friends in the biz out here to describe the people and places in our humble little neck of the woods.   So here they are in no particular order or significance, additions to the lexicon of selling Hamptons real estate.

TMS or Taj Mahal Syndrome - this is when a home seller thinks their particular property is the best of the best.   Yes, it involves an inflated price tag on their home and total denial of the realities of the market place.    While they love their gilded fish faucets in the downstairs powder room, very few consumers will put a value on such a luxurious fixture.   It doesn't matter how much they cost.  It's really a frustrating affliction for realtors because how do you not insult your sellers while explaining, "everyone thinks your #@#***%  gilded fish are hideous?"

Catfished - this term is actually used more often when discussing Facebook profiles  but can also be used to describe when some customers actually see an advertised listing in person.     Thanks to

Catfished:  photoshopping happens

modern technology and overseas sweat shops, it's easier for property photos to be "enhanced" without spending a fortune.    A gaping hole in the roof?   No problem, it's solved with a click of a mouse and a wave of a pen.   So imagine, the buyers delight when they actually see the house in person!?  They've been "catfished."

A Kobe -  Remember when Kobe Bryant got tangled up in a sex scandal a few years back?  A few nasty headlines and the next thing you know is his wife got a brand new bauble the size of Texas?   Well it happens here too. So, while diamonds are a girls best friend, real estate is many a girls BFF (rings can get lost).   Now, I don't want to sound sexist.  There are more than a few men out there getting their "kobes" too. But while I've also noticed it's usually spouse #2 who gets these 8000 square foot multi-million dollar baubles, there really is nothing wrong with it.    I'm happy to helps someone "kobe" anyone, anytime.

Earhardt - Yes, I've written about this before but a great term is worth repeating.   This one was shared to me by one of our local cab drivers a few years ago.    This is a person who is renting a home in the Hamptons but can't remember where it's located.    A reference to the pioneer and missing aviator Amelia Earhardt.    These particular folks are usually spotted wandering around early in the season on the streets of the east end looking for the cedar shingled house with the pool in the back yard.  

Yes it's fun being here in the playground of the rich, famous and sometime clueless... where we have a lifestyle and a language all our own!

10 GREAT PLACES TO FIGHT THE FLAB IN THE HAMPTONS

Yeah, that's me up top... CENTER!

Summer in the Hamptons ...  a time for sitting in hours of traffic on route 27.   A time for attending overpriced benefits and rubbing shoulders with walking wax figures.   A special time when other annual occurrences like budding flowers, warm breezes the privileged 20-somethings getting sick on the streets of Montauk are common.      It's also that time of year where you get to remind yourself how completely inadequate you look in that bathing suit.  

But before you break out the Barry Manilow and Carpenters albums... remember you don't have to look like the before picture on the back of that comic book.   The east end is a great place to back in shape and stuff that gut into a wild bikini!  

Biking, jogging and back yard swims are some of the easiest ways here to burn the calories and fight the fat.    But if you're like me and require a little more motivation from an instructor or hot gym goer next to you, take note.  Hamptons  Chatter is here with 10 of the best places to workout this coming season.

1) Flywheel Sports - East Hampton located at 65 Montauk Highway and Flywheel at Sag Harbor Gym, 1 Bay Street Sag Harbor.    The original spin studio where some folks can burn over 1000 calories in a single class.    A great place to be seen and see some of the more famous faces of the Hamptons (Broderick, Baldwin, Zellwegger... or you know the girl from Jerry Macguire) including instructor Holly Rillinger who is the star of Bravo's Work Out New York!    Pay by the class or get a membership but no matter what, make sure to book your classes in advance.  

2) Yoga Shanti - Sag Harbor located at 32 Bridge Street.   Get toned, fit and sweat at one of the most noted yoga studios around.    There are classes for everyone from beginner to expert.   Prices vary and there are some famous faces here too.   One of the more frequent and notable patrons is entrepreneur and producer Russell Simmons.    You can pay by the class, package or membership.   It's a good idea to book your classes in advance here as well.    There is also a complete schedule online so check it out.   By the way, if you're looking for something a little less "precious," try Karma Diva in East Hampton.  It's the yin to Yoga Shanti's yang. 

4) East Hampton Indoor Tennis - East Hampton located at 175 Daniels Hole Rd. -  Before you question why I'm suggesting a tennis club let me tell you the average Joe can burn about 700 calories an hour playing tennis.  But if you want something a little more intense check out the tennis aerobics on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the club.   To say you'll be dripping wet is an understatement.   Pay by the class or become a member the choice is yours.     The staff is friendly and you can play indoor and out.    Click above or here to go to the website.

5) Crossfit Hamptons- Southampton located at 375 County Rd. 39.   Rather than me trying to explain it.. watch an eye candy video about what exactly crossfit entails.        A little bit of this a little bit of that and bodies in motion.    Click here for more details on how to sign up for a Crossfit Hamptons class.



Yeah, that looks easy!!! 

6) Barry's Bootcamp - Amaganett located at 199 Main St. and Wainscott 352 Montauk Highway.   If Xenu started teaching fitness classes... it would be Barry's Bootcamp.   Although it's the new guy in town it's already garnered a cult like following.    In all honesty, I've never gone but my friends who've attended are addicted.   Click here for more details.

7)  Lift Hamptons - Wainscott located at 354 Montauk Highway - A boutique gym located next to the best cookie shop in the Hamptons (Levan Bakery).    I know it seems like some sort of a sick joke but once you pass the temptation you'll find a motivating bright and zen like atmosphere perfect for your morning workout.   Memberships are based on an hourly rate and include one on one training.    Click here for more information.

8 & 9 ) East Hampton YMCA - 2 Gingerbread Lane and Southampton Town Recreation Center - 1370 Majors Path.   Both places have it all but at a fraction of the price of the "other" gyms in town.     There are no celeb siteings but if you want to live like a local and save some money on getting fit.... click here for Southampton or here for East Hampton YMCA.   Fees vary based on residency in both locations. 

10) Truth Training - East Hampton located at 5 Railroad Ave. - Truth Training is a strength based workout, programming and lifestyle series that revolves around the "foundation" exercises.   Think of it as a P90X class right here live in the Hamptons with some of the best and most educated trainers around.     Click here for class schedules and rates.     

Ok, there it is.. 10 Great places to get your body ready for the beach.    Woah, this blog was exhausting.    Now, it's time for my burger, fries and beer at the Corner Bar in Sag Harbor!   Just kidding... off to the basement for my Peloton bike.   I don't want to see any of you losers when I work out!!!   Kidding again.... sort of.  

A BIG EMPTY SCOOP IN EAST HAMPTON... PLUS FINDING MY FURRY FRIEND A HOME!

Just what East Hampton needs before the season... another commercial property going vacant.  Yes, the scoop is that Scoop is shuttering it's doors on Newton Lane in the next weeks.   The two decade old luxury retailer is holding an inventory liquidation sale right now.   Known for their eclectic brands of high end duds,  rumor has it that the retailer will be shuttering all their doors in the next few weeks.   According to reports, they already shut their Soho outlet sometime earlier this week.   Soho...Soho??? Is that anywhere near the Tanger Mall in Riverhead?   Damn, I've been living here in the Hamptons too long.  ANYWAY, it's time to get your butt to the store before their inventory is gone!    If you can't make it, you can always go to their website www.scoopnyc.com,   where the discounts have already begun.


Speaking of sales and saving money,  the clock is ticking for Suffolk county homeowners looking to file for a property tax grievance.   The deadline is end of business day this Monday the 16th.   If you want more information, you can go to the NY State website and then click on your individual town.    You can also do a quick google search online for one of a number of tax reduction services.   Most of them don't charge anything unless you actually get a reduction.   If you do, they'll take about 50% of your first year's savings.   Check with each service about their individual fees and procedures.

Meet Mattie!!! 

Finally, a little bragging from me.   For the next few weeks, I'm working together with the folks at Gimme Shelter Animal Rescue in Southampton to feature an adoptable "Pet of the Week."   You can see the ad in Dan's Papers or follow me on Twitter or Instagram.   While I'm sure some of you out there would have preferred that I sponsor a "Penthouse Pet" of the week, I thought it would be more beneficial to feature the one that would likely be better company!    if you want more information about my buddy Mattie, check out www.gimmeshelteranimalrescue.org.


Have a great weekend everyone!

START FILLING THE CALENDAR, THE SUMMER BENEFIT SEASON WILL SOON BE HERE!

Cocktails on the beach!  

5/28/16 Kicking it all off this year is the GLBT Network of Long Island's Summer Kick-off.   Yes, there is a lot of kicking involved on this date.  But what did you expect from a gay event?    The Network is an association of non-profits that work to serve the LGBT community both young and old from Queens (the location) to... Montauk.  The group started a community center in the Hamptons, the first of it's kind on the east end.   In fact, all proceeds from this event are earmarked for the center located at the Whaler's Church in Sag Harbor.     The location is the Bridgehampton Surf an Tennis Club.. and this is the first big event of the season.   Tickets start at $250 till this Friday and then go to $300, which is pretty reasonable for a Hamptons event with open bar and appetizers.  The best reason to go: Other than the mingling and the scenery, the silent auction will feature everything from VIP spa treatments to having drinks with Bravo's Andy Cohen.  Potential Reason to skip it:  If you're expecting a scantily clad beach party forget it.  It's Memorial Day weekend on the ocean... it's more like sweaters and long pants. But hey, you're still on the beach and there hopefully won't be any snow!

6/4/16 Southampton Fresh Air Home Sale and Auction Benefit Gala - Southampton FAH provides a camp experience for physically challenged youth with sailing, swimming, hiking, etc.   The benefit which is called the "GREATEST YARD SALE ON EARTH" is held at their facility on Barkers Island Road in Southampton  It's one of the more mellow benefits of the season but it's a who's who mixer for everyone in Southampton.   Tickets start at $250 and go and up.     The best reason to go:  The furniture in the silent auction is amazing stuff... they're are also great trips and everything from teeth whitening to fishing trips available.  It's not Home Goods prices but there are still some good deals!    Potential reason to skip it:  The competition for best outfit is very stiff... don't go in your jeans and a t-shirt, this crowd really knows how to work a whale belt!

6/25/16 American Heart Association's Heart of the Hamptons -Is widely recognized as one of the premier philanthropic and festive events in the Hamptons. The Heart of the Hamptons Ball has raised over $2.5 million for the American Heart Association since it began 15 years ago.   The event is held at the Hayground School in Bridgehampton on Mitchell’s Lane. Tickets start at $500 and go up.    The best reason to go:  The Goody Bag is one of the best of the season!   Have you seen any wrinkles on my face lately!?  NO, that's because I got this amazing moisturizer in last years bag!   Potential Reason to skip it:   Just because you devour every passed hors d'ourves at the cocktail hour doesn't mean you have an inside track for winning those training sessions in the silent auction.  FAT ALARM!

Save the dates!!!! 

7/23/16 The Ellen Hermanson Starry Night Summer Gala - The foundation is unique in its commitment to helping breast cancer patients and their families cope with the changing nature of the physical and emotional aspects of breast cancer.  The foundation is responsible for also funding some amazing projects that have helped women and their families right here on the east end.   The event will be held this year at the Southampton Hospital grounds on Wicapogue and Olde Town Roads.  The event which features silent auction, cocktails and dancing starts at 7pm and tickets begin at around $400.    The best reason to go:  Dancing, dancing, dancing.... this party is fun.  It's for a serious cause but it doesn't mean you can's shake your booty!    Potential Reason to skip it:  If you're wishing for a quiet night with passed food and a string quartet, this is not your kind of party.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SUMMER RENTERS... PLUS HOW TO PLAN FOR YOUR NEXT HAMPTONS BEACH PARTY!

Summer '15... few takers?

As we come to the end of the summer of '15, there seems to be a reoccurring topic of conversation among home owners, agents and pretty much everyone.    "Was it a good rental season?"   Well the answer in a nutshell is "no."    In fact, I have had a number of homeowners ask me, why their home didn't
rent.   If you're one of the many who've uttered those words you're not alone.   I'm not sure if it was because of all of those short term rental sites or more folks are buying and building.  I've heard both theories.  What I do know... in the opinion of this humble agent was it was not as active as years past.   But it wasn't just me.  In fact, I meet monthly with a group of about 25 top agents from a cross section of all the real estate companies and regions.   At our last get together someone raised the question, "who thought this was a good rental season?" Unfortunately not one person raised their hand.   What I think this means is next year, look for an adjustment in some prices and landlords being a bit more accommodating in cutting a deal.   If you found otherwise, feel free to let me know.

One of my favorite things to do this time of year is to hit the beach in the early evening with some friends and enjoy the sand, the fresh air and the surf... and I don't mean on your smartphone.   You only have a few weeks left of Summer '15 so here's one way to make it special.     But before you lug your blankets, food and friends Wiborg or Fowler, make sure your know the rules.   Hello?!  Like you didn't think there were rules.... it's the Hamptons, there are rules for everything.

There better be a container under there!?

In case you haven't been paying attention, new laws went into effect that require beach fires in East Hampton town be lit in a metal container, similar laws were already in effect for Southampton and East Hampton village.   In Southampton Village, you need a permit  to light a bonfire.   For the most part no permits are necessary on the other beaches but as I said, you need to clean up... keep it contained... and have some buckets of water handy.   You're of course responsible for putting out the fire and cleaning up afterwards.   Also, don't try to light that fire before 6pm, it's a no-no.

As for a little Rose for that perfect summer beach dinner party, you'll need a permit if you're inviting over 50 people.    Also, open containers of alcohol are prohibited across the board but you can get a special permit for catered events and parties.   Pets are also allowed after 6pm at most beaches.   If you want more information for each local town... check out the links below and have fun.   But remember, not too much fun it's the Hamptons.

EAST HAMPTON TOWN
EAST HAMPTON VILLAGE
SOUTHAMPTON TOWN
SOUTHAMPTON VILLAGE

HAMPTONS PEOPLE: THE ONE APP YOU MUST DOWNLOAD THIS WEEKEND!!!!

The menus!!! yess!

HALLELUJAH!  (Yes, I had to look it up to spell correctly)  The Hamptons is ready to enter the 21st century!  Well even though it still feels like 1975 here ( i.e. the IGA in E. Hampton), the folks at POSTMATES have decided to launch in our own quaint little part of the world.   So, I hear you now, "what is POSTMATES?"   Well it's the only app you need to download this weekend for survival in the Hamptons.   With this app you can get delivery service in under an hour, anywhere from Southampton to Montauk!   PSYCH! That means, you can order from La Fondita (Tacos), The East Hampton Grill (French Dip),  Sam's (Chicken Parm) and even Levain Bakery (Oatmeal Cookies) and get it delivered right to your front door.  But wait it gets better... seconds after you place the order you'll get real time tracking information for your order.    Its also available for Android and online at Postmates.com.  Delivery fees start at 5$ and are calculated based on distance along with a 9% service fee which is applied to your order. Let's hope these guys are the new UBER of Hamptons delivery (but not the UBER of E. Hampton)!    My friend Bernie ordered from POSTMATES last week and had his "Sam's" at the house in 45 minutes.   But wait, it gets better.... the delivery guy refused to take the tip and was friendly!!!    I mean everyone wants a tip jar now, in fact I just saw one at the DMV last week!   Finally something we really need in the Hamptons!   I only have one question about POSTMATES that has yet to be answered:   Will they deliver one of those hot dogs from Speedway Gas?


This year, like last year my house is becoming a virtual revolving door of guests and relatives.   It's not that I don't love ALL my friends and relatives.   BUT every once in a while I hear some of my friends need down time.    So what can they do??   How can they get their guests to leave without being insulting?    Well here are a few easy tricks that will have them running to the Jersey Shore... and perhaps even get you a thank you host/hostess gift in the process!  So here it is.... HOUSE CLEANING 2015!

 The Thing Wouldn't Leave from AFTRS Radio on Vimeo.


Trick 1:  Internet Interception - It's a fast paced world and one would think that when visiting one of the most beautiful locations on earth, visitors here would actually enjoy shutting the world off!   HA! In the Hamptons where dinner tables are silent only because everyone is texting someone else more interesting at another table, staying in touch is like air to breathe.    So what better way to give a guest a gentle nudge then to cutting off their connection to the world in addition to severing them from Netflix and sending their "Orange is the New Black" addiction into a tailspin.... unplug the wifi router!  Remember, cell service is a joke out here so that wifi signal is also a lifeline to e-mail, Twitter and Facebook!   I know it's cruel but really aren't they here to hang with you anyway?  

The breakfast of chumps!

Trick 2: The Morning Jolt -  They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.   So what better way to suck the energy out of the overly intrusive guest then starting their day on the wrong foot!  Here's how you do it!  You hide the Keurig, the Starbucks and the bagels and instead replace them with something terrifying;   Instant coffee, generic cereal and Tang!    Nothing says you couldn't care more by spending less!     After day one of having to run to town to actually get something potable and edible your guest will be dreaming of a blanket in Sheep Meadow!   "Trust me guys, Toasted Oats are actually better tasting than Cheerios!  Really!"

Yes, they'll have a headache and you'll get rid of one!

Trick 4: The Cold Shoulders - After a hot sweaty day in the beach, there is nothing more refreshing than a nice relaxing shower.   So what's a guest going to do when the hot water runs out before they have a chance to freshen up!   But alas you won't have to fib to your guest about a faulty hot water heater, you'll merely tell them it's part of your fitness routine.... you know using the cold to burn fat!     Think about this way, you're also helping them prevent their skin from drying out and invigorating their day since they didn't have any coffee that morning!     It's the alternative to Canyon Ranch and the only cost is you leave the house a day early!   As for cleaning off in the pool.... that's disgusting... shower before swimming.

Trick 4:  Keep it Dry -  Clean the house of all beer, wine and vodka and tell them it's a booze free zone.   While yes, I know you don't need a drink to have fun... most Hamptons visitors want their sun and their Rose.   Imagine this, a house full of hungry, sober people with no Internet reception or emails having to sit around talk to each other?     I'd leave too!

REMINDER, this blog was done in the name of helping OTHERS.   All of the guest in my house are welcome to stay as long as they want... family is welcome to stay the entire month of July..... and guests of guests of relatives of guests are also welcome!  ANYTIME!

DOPPIO'S DILEMNA.... AND YOU KNOW IT'S AUGUST ...UMMMM JULY IN THE HAMPTONS WHEN......

Yesterday's tomorrow is today.... right?

It's Peyton Place in Sag Harbor these days as the questions abound.... Is Doppio history or on hiatus.   Yesterday, state officials along with a few men in blue (you never know when some employee might want to sneak off with salt and pepper shakers) came in and locked the restaurant down and threw up a "SEIZED" sign!   Well it didn't take long but a few hours later one of the owners or employees was out there with a sign and free lemonade promising it will be "back to business as normal."   Well it's now 11:30 am and Hamptons Chatter was late to go to press today and the doors are all still locked and there isn't an employee in site. There is also no lemonade today but did you really think someone could serve free drinks in Sag Harbor without getting into trouble?

Rumors about Doppio's demise have been floating around since this winter.    After a promising start and lots of fanfare last year bad attitudes and mediocre food turned the eatery into a ghost town by Labor Day.   This year I have to say the food has improved and the staff is a heck of a lot friendlier.    Everyone should get a second chance and I'm hoping they make it work.    I'll keep you updated on the progress and update here as needed.    It would be fun to set up a webcam, right?

UPDATE 2:38pm:  It's still closed, still dark and Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
UPDATE 4:19pm:  The day glow orange sign is gone and they're getting ready to reopen.  A stirring saga is over. 

Bad reviews can't stop this bear!

• Meanwhile, it's beginning to feel a lot like August around here int he Hamptons.   I know every year we all complain the crowds are bigger, the traffic is worse, the lines are longer, blah, blah, blah than the year before.   But you know what?  I'm convinced it really is crazier than ever out here ... and there isn't a Kardashian in sight!   The way I know is the annual tell tale signs, that usually happen in late August are already upon us.   It's like a swallows of Capistrano situation here but with BMW's.   Here are the signs it's bursting at the seams on the East End;

A movie like "Ted 2" can sell out on Sunday night at 10pm.   Yes, it's only scored a lame 45% on Rotten Tomatoes but it's doing bang up business in East Hampton.   I can't imagine anyone wanting to pay to see this after the director's really really bad "A Million Ways to Die in the West,"  but if your choice is between this and "Me, Earl and the Dying Girl" one title does sound a little better for fun summer viewing.

Scads of Toddlers are playing under hot coffee pots at bagel stores and coffee shops while their attentive parents are texting away on their I-phones!   Now, I always find this annual occurrence to be a bit scary.  I mean I'm not a parent nor do I have any intuitive parental skills but I kind of find it stupid to let children play unsupervised under a scalding coffee pot!    Call me wacky!

It takes an hour to get from Southampton to East Hampton village on a week night and Sag Harbor Village looks like East Hampton Village!    Folks, if you live within walking distance to any of these villages (remember that's why you paid what you did!), why in the world are you driving a 10th of a mile to get there?!  Getting stuck in traffic on Butter Lane.... I'm sorry I just don't get it!   But then again there are a lot of things I don't understand..... like why everyone and their mother is now publishing a magazine this summer!  I read Hamptons Magazine, Hamptons Real Estate Showcase  and Dan's.... sorry that's it folks... the rest I toss in the circular file!   I would also read Curbed.com if it ever went to print... I hope I earn brownie points on these.

The uniform at Rowdy Hall is Gucci, Prada and Birkin  The home of Hamptons casual and arguably one of the best burgers around becomes a tornado of tags and logos as the normally low key crowd gets outnumbered and out dressed.    I know it's competitive out there and everyone wants too look good but isn't this a casual beach community?  Couldn't we all just embrace the softer side of Sears?  hahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaahhahhah

RECON FROM HARBOR MARKET AND THE BEST OF OVERPRICED HAMPTONS!

The New Harbor Market!

Hi all, just remember Hamptons Chatter is not a daily, a weekly or any other type of regular anything.  I also refuse to take any sort of literary Metamucil!   I only speak when I feel inspired to speak, when the muses have touched me or when something around town really pisses me off.    So guess what? The muses haven't touched me but I am a little.... wait no negativity here either.   I need to breathe.   Hmm.   OK now for the not angry edition of Hamptons Chatter or as Curbed.com editors have been known to call this "HC."    I can live with that... HC!

Well, I finally had the chance to go the new Harbor Market and Kitchen in Sag Harbor to see if all the fuss and arguing was worth it.  Well, here I am to tell you it was much ado about nothing!   The place looks fantastic, beautiful barn doors, cedar shingles and the whole exterior of the place is totally in keeping in with the neighborhood aesthetic.     The food by the way, is also pretty good especially the pizzas but only order when you're not in a hurry.   As for the much feared industrial sounds coming from the roof and the awful unattractive roof.... well it's pretty damn quiet and its way more attractive than that house on 114 that looks like it's being built for the Munsters or the hideous colors radiating from Yummilicious!   Not that I don't love Yummilicious.

I don't know the owners of the market but I can tell you they've had their hands full battling to open the market... remember this is the same street where panties were twisted over a huge pair of legs.... but there efforts have paid off.    The interior is beautiful and the sandwiches, salads and the macaroni and cheese are pretty good too!    So go, check it out and decide for yourself.... and decide if the world really changed that much on Henry Street!?

But you know different things find different things offensive.     What do I find offensive??????   Some of the prices we are forced to pay here around town in the Hamptons!  Here is my brief list of some of the worst offenders.  Now remember, I don't mind paying big bucks for the guacamole at Round Swamp Farm because it's amazing.   What I do resent is mediocre products at premium prices. But remember, this is not an angry blog.  I'm staying positive.   So here are some of the most positively overpriced items I can think of on the East End.... 2015 Edition!

No supersizing here - Sanscerre that is Sen-sationally expensive!! 

Sen Restaurant - This Sag Harbor establishment is always packed and I get it.   The food is good but a dinner for two with a few glasses of wine and some sushi shouldn't cost nearly $300 bucks!    Well, part of it might have been the very stingy pours of Sancerre wine, I'm convinced that I the owner or manager was inspecting before going to the waiting tables.  REALLY? It's a $14 dollar glass of wine... you're not going to lose money if they give some lucky diner an extra ouce!    It will be a long time before I go to Sen again, instead I'll head to Zokkon in East Hampton which is a fraction of the cost and just as good.   It's also never packed there.... but it should be... great food and friendly prices!

Any Taxi in the Hamptons - I recently went from the Hampton Jitney to BMW in Southampton.   How far was that?  What 300 yards?!  It cost me nearly $20 dollars because it was a flat rate. Apparently that is for all cabs across the board... or so I'm told   Now before you all go saying I'm lazy and should have walked, I had a ton of luggage.   But really... $20?!  I could have taken a cab from the Upper East Side to Midtown for less.   But hey, it's the Hamptons where some take the motto "if you have to ask the price then you shouldn't be here!"

Babette's East Hampton -  How much would you pay for a Western Omelette?     How about $18.95 at this Village eatery.   There really isn't much to say here... I mean it's an omelette!    Instead of getting eggs here, how about getting the same dish at Princess Diner for $9.95.   By the way, what's with the .95 cents, is it some sort of weird egg law or tax?   For crying out loud people, say what it is for real;  $10 and $19.

East Hampton and Southampton Parking Tickets - Go to the beach without a permit or park on one of the lanes and you're going to get slapped with a $150 parking ticket.   Yup, that's like getting two California Rolls and a glass of wine at a certain restaurant!  By the way, don't try messing with any of the brownies - the kids that write the tickets... nothing to do with Tate's or Round Swamp Brownies.... wait I'm hungry!   OH, don't mess with the kids writing tickets in any of the villages, they may be taking their SAT's in the fall but these kids do not fool around!



Well, I'm back to pure happy thoughts now!    So I'm done writing.

     

 

THE BRITISH ARE COMING... THE ROYAL ONES!!!! ALSO, THE POLLEN ISALREADY HERE!

The royal formerly known as Prince William, now known as Kate Middleton's husband is apparently planning to bring his Windsor brood to spend their summer in the Hamptons!   I know!  I know!   I'm as excited as the next Anglophile!    According to the rarely reliable OK magazine, the two have already rented a large estate to rub elbows with the likes of Spielberg and Martha.    According to palace "sources" they have always wanted to come here so George and Charlotte can "enjoy the sea and the sunshine."   It sounds reasonable to me, so ignore those wet blankets over at Gossip Cop that are calling this report complete b*##*#$@!     In fact, I have a few suggestions for the royals when they take that leap across the pond.   I know William will find it here on Hamptons Chatter next time he googles his name in a exhausted or drunken stupor!

Calls to Buckingham palace have not been returned!

Hi William, hopefully you didn't buy that estate yet and you'll be calling me as your agent in the near future.   Why will you call me?  Well after you enjoy these five awesome suggestions I have for you when visiting the Hamptons, you'll know I'm your go to man!

Cyril's:  Will, it's the best people watching in the Hamptons and the location overlooking scenic route 27 is fit for a King, which you should be next IMHO!   Make sure to order two BBCs (don't ask just drink) and Kate will be macking on you like you're that lead singer guy from One Direction!  

Home Goods:   Who doesn't love a bargain!?   You and Kate can stock the estate with fresh linen and towels and even those nifty plastic margarita glasses without paying a kings ransom!  Not that I hope Charles gets kidnapped and you become King... but if that happens... NO PROBLEMO!  You'll be saving a bundle and have the cash as your "HOME GOODS HAPPY."

The Essence of cool!

The Giant Duck:   OK, it's actually NOT in the Hamptons but it's a GIANT DUCK!   Hello!?  How cool is that!?

Martha Stewart's House:    She lives in town and if you give me a call, I'm happy to share her address.  Just go over, she loves drop by guests!   She'll help Kate use local flowers to make the most amazing table centerpieces and her fresh lemonade is to die for... really!   Just go!  Tell her I said it was OK.  

The American Hotel:   A Hamptons institution where you can spot an occasional celebrity and enjoy scenic Sag Harbor.  Another plus is they now have hooks under the bar for Kate's purse.    One final suggestion; I would wait till HRH Elizabeth II comes to town and bring her, she will actually be one of the younger folks at the bar, which will make her feel good.    You'll all have a blast! 

Finally, when you come to town Will... can I call you Will?... make sure to bring some good allergy medicine because it is apparently ...."POLLENGEDDON" out here right now!   Pools are green, cars are green, windows are green and my poor dog Bella is green... and it's not easy!     So, luckily I have two quick ideas you can follow to help make breathing easier here on the east end.   Try small doses of some local honey, apparently it will help you build a resistance to the pollen since the local bees use the same pollen to make the sweet stuff!   You can also try showering more frequently, apparently the pollen sticks to your skin and hair more than you realize.   So stop breathing all that dead epidermis and pollen and take a shower.  If all else fails, head to CVS and get some Claritan and make sure to register for the frequent shopper points!

RECON FROM THE NEW HOME GOODS... SAG GYM IS OPEN AGAIN!

Lighting the Hamptons one lamp at a time!

Wainscott, the land of quarries and Speedway Stations has two new things to actually brag about.     The opening of the new Home Goods and the arrival of Osteria Salina at the former site of Georgica Restaurant and night club.  I'll have more on the restaurant tomorrow!

After lots of moaning and complaining, Home Goods has finally arrived at it's new location at 368 Montauk Highway. The newly constructed building drew some fire from local officials and some residents for it's hulking size and close proximity to the road.   But after all the fears and wolf crying, the Hamptons have survived the opening and from the reaction of the crowds it's a big improvement over what was an abandoned car dealership.   The cedar shake building which is lushly landscaped opened it's doors Sunday and it was packed to the rafters.

See I'm not kidding!

So why was it so crowded?   Well the discounted purveyor of all things domestic featured everything from Pratesi sheets to Baccrat and Waterford wine glasses at around 50% off of normal retail prices. They also have a good collection of linens and even some furniture and rugs.   Yes, the Hamptons may be considered a land of excess but that doesn't mean they don't like a good bargain here on the east end.     I really believe this will be good for all the business owners in the area since it will attract folks who normally wouldn't travel to Wainscott to shop.   The more the merrier and the more cash for everyone who buys lunch, doesn't find the right sofa, needs a new bed or has been wanting to get some new blinds!  

Meanwhile, after about a month the gym in Sag Harbor is open once again.   It's cleaner, lighter and has a slew of fancy new lockers.    While much of the old equipment has returned, the fresh coat of paint and what I guess was a really good cleaning has actually made a difference.    The gym has never looked better and the towels are new too!    If you don't believe me... see for yourselves!   By the way, don't get confused, the entrance has moved to the center of the building and there's a fancy new reception desk as well.

IF THE TAXES ARE TOO DAMN HIGH.... AND THE BEST TOY EVER FOR YOUR POOL!

Time to take back the bills... 7 days left!

Well if you're not still celebrating the big holiday... Cinco De Mayo... allow me to remind you that time is running out to appeal your property taxes!  Yes it's in 7 days and the timer is ticking like Mona Lisa Vito's biological clock.    So what to do? 

Well there are plenty of services (just google) who do not charge up front, but rather take a percentage of what they save as a fee. For do-it-yourselfers, you can get information from the various town websites about how to determine if your assessment is fair.  One thing most of these websites suggest is to get an evaluation form a professional appraiser.   If you need a suggestion about where to find one, try calling your real estate agent or ask a friend. 

Don't deny you want to try this!

Meanwhile, if you save some money by appealing what about buying one of the must haves for

Pool climbing wall.. yeah you want one!

this upcoming summer season.  No, it's not a new Ferrari or even a fancy new mood ring!  It's a climbing wall for your pool!!!  Yes, since slides and diving boards are now passé among pool owners and the cause of so many injuries and higher insurance there has to be something else to add to make more waves in the neighborhood.     All I can say is look at these pictures and tell me you don't want one!  LIAR!  Of course you want one.  Well these are from a company called Kerplash and they start at about $8000.   But what better way to get over your fear of water and heights than to climb one of these suckers!!!   If you want more information you can check out their information HERE!

Yes, a quick but informative chatter today.  See you all hopefully on Wednesday!

A SNEAK PREVIEW OF SAG HARBORS NEWEST HOT SPOT... BARON'S COVE!

A view to a kill or at least to kill for... The dining room at Baron's Cove! 

Unless you've been sleeping under a rock or taken one too many Ambien, you've probably heard that Sag Harbor has been undergoing something of a renaissance (thank you spell check).   The most notable project has been the soon to be occupied 64 unit Bulova Watchcase development.   Well the same folks who did that project recently undertook giving a major overhaul to Baron's Cove in Sag that would make Melanie Griffith and Axl Rose red with jealousy!   Cape Advisors who made their mark in Cape May, NJ are hoping their golden touch is the ticket once again.   Now, before you get all nervous that the Jersey Shore is going to take over the Hamptons and muscle heads with orange complexions will soon be running up and down Main St., relax!   Cape May is not "THAT" Jersey Shore and these folks know how to do it right ... just take a look here at their venues Congress Hall and The Virginia which are already up and running!  Nice huh!!?    Last night they opened up the restaurant for families, friends and associates and are getting ready to open up for everyone else very very soon!   I was lucky enough to get a preview and I can tell you... BOOK YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!     This is the new hot spot for Summer '15!    They've got a great chef in the kitchen who made his mark at Vine Street on Shelter Island and a top notch staff who know good service with no attitude is key!  I hope you're reading this Harlow!   Anyway, don't take my word for it.... take a look below at what they've done already!       I'll give you more details as they become available!     You can also check out the Baron's Cove web site for rates and details.     Gotta run and happy May Day all.   By the way... these are I phone photos and you'll need to see this in person to get a real appreciation!

Renovated Rooms! Chic, comfortable living at Baron's Cove!

Relaxing drinks with a view!

Bathrooms that rival any first class hotel!

The view of the pool area ... getting ready for the big opening!

IF YOU WANT TO RENT YOUR HOUSE IN THE HAMPTONS..... A FEW THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW FIRST!

One of the great things about owning a home in the Hamptons is your ability to rent it out.    Yes, for some it's a cash cow and can help off set most of your yearly expenses in just 3 short months.    But you better know what you're doing.   If you rent to the wrong tenant or your house isn't ready, you could end up making less than money than a romantic comedy with Katherine Heigl and Nicholas Cage.

So what do you need to know and how do you get the most money possible for your rental?  Well luckily Hamptons Chatter is here to tell you.

Price it Right - This is my rule of thumb...  if you just bought your house and it's decorated and well maintained, you can expect about 4-5% the cost of the property for the Memorial Day to Labor Day period.   50% of that should be counted for the August rental.   For example, your Restoration Hardware decorated home you just bought for $1,000,000 should rent MD-LD for $50k or $25K for August.   This is not a hard and fast rule.  If your house is a few years old, ask an agent what they think would be a good rental price. It's also not a science so adjusting the price as you get close to the season may be needed.

List your property properly -  First off, keep it as an open listing.  Unless you're renting your home for $250k or more, most companies won't even take an exclusive rental and that's not a bad thing.   Agents are no different than anyone else and they're looking to earn a living.   So if it's between a $100k rental that's an exclusive rental where the agent will have to give a chunk to the listing agent or an open listing where they get the lions share, which one do you think they're going to show?   Most rental listings in the Hamptons are open listings, so keep yourself competitive.   But also know, unless you tell your agent to share the listing you'll need to make sure every company has your home and at the right (same) price!

Busy, busy, busy!!  www.uglyhousephotos.com

Get the house ready to go - If agents are starting to show your house,  it should look like your tenants are moving in tomorrow.     Reduce the clutter around the house, make sure all of your photos and personal Nick-knacks are stored away and please, please, please keep it neat and clean.    Also, less is more.... if the house is overloaded with furniture that's not a plus for most tenants, it will only make the property feel crowded and full.
your house if there are dirty dishes are in the sink and pet hair on all of the sofas (nobody wants to live in someone else's dirt).   "Clean" is also a key word when it comes to decor.   Busy patterns or tons of floral bed spreads, pillow cushions or curtains will overwhelm some potential tenants.   While you're taste may be good, it might not be for everyone.   That's why   Do not show Baskin and Robbins has 31 flavors but you don't need that many colors!

Make it and easy show - While I don't suggest leaving a key under the mat (that's a really bad idea for a number of reasons).   You have to make sure agents have easy access to your property.   Customers run late... HELLO, IF THINK YOU'RE IN THE HAMPTONS AND YOU DIDNT HIT TRAFFIC YOU'RE ONLY IN SHIRLEY.... and sometimes agents run late too so if it becomes to difficult to coordinate they'll move on.  The best way to control access and make sure you get shown is to drop a key off with your local broker.  They'll keep the key locked up and log who borrows and uses the key.   You could also buy a lock box or better yet buy a digital remote system where you can grant access to your home via your cell phone.  My personal favorite is the KEVO system, which you can buy easily enough on Amazon.

Get professional photos - If you want a good laugh, go through one of those "home for rent -by owner" sites.  Would you rent some of these homes?   I didn't think so.  Bad photos are a home owners biggest enemy.   My advice is hire a professional photographer (call any agency they'll recommend who to call) and then share these photos to all the agencies.   You have to spend money to make money and this particular expense is a no brainer to me.


Finally a few last points about "Hamptons Summer Renting" - if you use an agent to rent your house you'll need to pay the commission and in most cases it's 10% of the term of the lease.     It might seem like a lot but most agents screen their customers or get them via referral.  You'll be less likely to get a bad egg tenant.     Also, most leases require that tenants will maintain the property while in residency, so make sure they use the folks who know the house... your housekeeper, your lawn guy, your pool person, etc.

Also, if you live in Southampton Town make sure to get a rental permit.  It's not easy to do but it will protect you in the long run if you have problems with the tenant.

Now remember, I couldn't cover everything in this brief posting but I hope its a helpful start.   I also know not everyone will agree with my advice so feel free to post what you think.

WEEKEND MARKET REPORT.... APOCALYPSE HAMPTONS AND HOW TO HANG WITH ALEC!

Winter siting of Hamtpons house hunters! 

So this week's weekend roundup is a day late.  What can I say, I was busy chipping ice from my walks and salting my driveway.     While we finally got out of single digits this past weekend and we qualified as a B-.     "We're still not seeing the kind of activity we should at this time of the year but it's still better than what we've seen the past few weeks,"  said one experienced agent.    
now have everyone on the verge of getting spring fever.   This in turn helped traffic this past weekend for Hamptons rental and sales.   While most of the activity was rental focused, there was definitely more interest in sales this past weekend than we've seen over the past polar vortex infused months.   Considering the lingering icy conditions and the snow this past weekend of agents and brokers I spoke to the first weekend

"They love the smell of low wafting bacon in the morning"

If you've ever flown across country you know how pilots love to point out landmarks like the Grand Canyon or St. Louis Arch, well when it comes the Hamptons it seems like the pilots enjoy getting as close a look as possible!  "Folks, look to your right and you can see Martha Stewart picking flowers." Well this Thursday evening, could it be a last call for boarding at East Hampton Airport?  Most definitely not but it does appear that things are going to be changing in some ways at HTO (FAA letters).  It will all begin at 4:30pm when The East Hampton Town Board will be listening to comments from all interested parties. Proposed are regulations to set late night, early morning and weekend restrictions on noisy aircraft coming and going.  

Currently there are no restrictions on when you can land or takeoff. If you want to wake up the entire East End with your giant Sikorsky helicopter (Hi Ira!) at four in the morning….you can.  Residents from all east end towns who are tired of rattling martini glasses and interrupted poolside conversations may finally get some relief after years of increased traffic to and from HTO.  And now that crowd-sorcerers like Blade are offering bargain basement rates you can expect the racket to increase even more unless the Town Board sets some limits.

What do you think? The East Hampton Town Board would like to know. You can email them and become part of the public comment at HTOcomments@EHamptonNy.gov

Your new BFF!?

You can also watch the proceeding live on LTV but if you do you'd better have plenty of popcorn.  Helicopter pilots plan to show up en-masse to plead their case and residents from all East End towns are coming loaded for bear.  Local government in action!

Meanwhile, do you want to hang with a Hamptons "A-lister?"   Well here's your chance. Charitybuzz.com is taking bids to see a performance of Arthur Miller's "All My Sons" and then have a meet and greet with it's star Alec Baldwin after the performance at Guild Hall in East Hampton.    You can get the details by clicking here because as you know with all these things there is always the fine print.   I have to say, I've always been a fan of Arthur Miller's "All My Sons" but will it be the same without Fred Mac Murray?   I also never understood what happened to the brother Mike from the first couple seasons.   
  

Weekend Wrap-up; Renting Sight Unseen... Winter of Our Discontent Continues!

So, it was another snowy weekend here on the East End.    The snow, the ice, the frigid cold and the general lousy weather continues here in the Hamptons.     While internet activity for rentals and sales still remains strong and steady,  the number of people willing to trek through snow and frigid temps is dwindling.    This in turn has led to a number of

Rapid Rescue... lifesavers!  Yep, that's my car!

rentals actually being rented sight unseen.   One broker I spoke with "E" said it, "makes me very nervous."    Renting from a picture which could have very well been photo-shopped is a bad idea.    Another agent "G" indicated that they're seeing tenants from previous seasons going back to the house they rented last year so they don't have to come back out and look again.    Speaking to my cadre (aren't you impressed with my vocabulary?) of experienced brokers and agents, the weather continues to put somewhat of a damper on the Hamptons market.   That being said, once the snow melts they're expecting an explosion of activity....  because phones are ringing and e-emails are being traded back and forth.  So the grade for this weekend was a C+. I really have to go to Florida soon! 

An offer at Guild Hall you can't refuse!

If you want an example of how difficult it is to get around the Hamptons, look no further than yours truly.     I made the mistake of taking my "4 Wheel" car out last night to pick up some food.    But alas, after one gunning of the accelerator and a slippy driveway I ended up in a snow bank on my own driveway.   I mean with all of the ice, if you don't see sharp you'll be flat (read that again).   Anyway, thanks to RAPID RECOVERY and $135,  I finally got my car out this morning.    By the way, I also want to thank my lovely neighbor for trying to pretend he didn't see.    I wasn't going to ask for your help anyway!    So for the next few days, keep Rapid Recovery on speed dial, they were great and there in about an hour...(631) 728-7752.


Meanwhile, this week there's an offer at Guild Hall you can't refuse.  The East Hampton film society will be presenting a special screening this Thursday night at 7 p.m. of the 1972 classic, "The Godfather."  Personally I liked the "Godfather II" better but still this flick glues me to the screen every time I catch it on TV.   Tickets are $8.00 for non members.  If you want more information  click here for the website and you can also buy tickets.  So, take it to the mattresses and go get a ticket.... otherwise you may find a horse in your bed!
catch it.