HATE CROWDS? NO RESERVATIONS?! NO PROBLEM!! A QUICK GUIDE TO HAMPTONS DELIVERY!

One of the things I like least about summer in the Hamptons is the crowds.   While I'm not an agoraphobic, the idea of dealing with traffic and pushy patrons is sometimes more than I can handle. Besides, I get extreme guilt leaving my dogs behind... because they like to party as much as the next animal.  So, unlike NYC where you can have a cup of coffee delivered for free, finding door to door service out east is a little more difficult.   Virtually nobody delivers in the Hamptons. I know White's Pharmacy delivers... but cough drops and Metamucil don't quite satisfy my hunger like they should.   What do you do when your cupboards are bare, traffic is backed up and everybody is hungry?   Well, here's the skinny on getting chubby without leaving home.....

There are two.. repeat only TWO Chinese restaurants that I think are worth the weight in MSG. Number 1 (631-726-8080) in Water Mill and Pheonix in Wainscott (631-537-0011).    There are a few others in the area but one of them actually has Immodium on the menu which to me is a big red flag...OK I'm kidding.   While my two recommendations aren't exactly Shun Lee or Mr. Chow's, they're both good, hearty and reasonably priced.  My personal favorites are the "scallion pancakes" at Pheonix and the "spicy chicken and broccoli" at #1.    Both are the best Chinese delivery in the HAMPTONS!  Although, that's kind of like saying it's the friendliest restaurant in France.

When it' comes to Pizza. There are no Domino's in the Hamptons. Which is a good thing. But darn it, why is it so hard to get a pizza brought to your door on a rainy Saturday night!?   Well there are only a few choices for delivery pizza at a good price.  In Montauk, you have Sausages (631-668-1144) .. In Bridgehampton there's American Pie (631-613-6177) in the Commons and Southampton has Paul's (631-283-1861) and Melrose East.   In East Hampton you have Pizza and Things Spring's Pizza. Customers like it for their reasonable prices, friendly staff and fresh ingredients (631) 324-7974.

Also in East Hampton, the Red Horse Market will deliver groceries or prepared foods with a $100 minimum purchase.  I'm pretty sure you can get them to bring one of their pizzas to the door as well.  By the way, throw a fresh mozzarella in there for good measure and melt some extra on the pie.

If you're looking for something a little more exotic you can try Saaz in Southampton.    They deliver and according to some, they'll go all the way to East Hampton.    That's a good thing too since the New York Times raved the food is "uniformly excellent... a long overdue addition to Hamptons dining."     Saaz - (631) 259-2222 - is located just as you come into Southampton on CR 39 at the former site of Mason Ole  - where Montezuma always got his revenge!      Saaz is a much better welcome to the east end!


While I'm sure there are others that may deliver, this is the list I came up with based on my own personal experience and those I know around town.    

What's wrong with Walbaums.... it's Fresh Direct to the Rescue... and since most locals never see it, a peek inside East Hampton's Baker House!

Soviet Grocery or Walbaum's check out line?

I often compare the Walbaums in East Hampton to a soviet era grocery store.  I've done it before and I'll do it again.    The selection is thin and it takes an hour in line to buy a loaf of bread.   Now, I don't blame the employees there for the chaos of this EH establishment.   They are for the most part an overworked and very friendly bunch.   The problem is the fact that on a typical day, there are two cashiers scheduled at the height of the rush hour along with those stupid automated self-checkouts that are rejects from Spacely's Sprockets!  OPEN THE POD DOOR DAMN IT! It's enough to make someone go postal!!    I'm not even going to mention the "wages of fear" parking lot!

I primarily do most of my dinner shopping at The Red Horse Market, which I love.  But they really don't have a great selection on things like paper towels and k-cups.    Thus I'm always running to in EH.   If only King Kullen were closer!  But soon I'll have an alternative.   According to their website, Fresh Direct will be firing up their Hamptons service next week.  So skip the lines... avoid the aggregation and spend more time on line reading this blog and ordering on line!!
Walbaums

I don't often like to admit this but I grew up going to the Jersey Shore.  But my Jersey Shore was not the one of Snookie and The Situation.    So when I get calls from friends who want to come visit the east end for the first time I have to explain there are no Hyatt's, Hiltons (well except Paris in SH sometimes) and W's.   Here in the Hamptons, the choices are fewer but that doesn't mean there aren't exceptional places to recommend.   Since most of you who read this have never been inside any of the resorts or B and B's out here (unless of course you love afternoon delight)  I've taken it upon myself to give you a little education and preview.   So you can feel confident telling your friends the perfect place to rest their heads after a day of sitting in traffic on 27.   My first preview is of East Hampton's Baker House 1650.   You can visit their website for rates and reservations and click below for a video preview starring yours truly!

Hamptons Showdown Part 1... why, where and how much! And MANGIA in E. Hampton!

 Well it's that time of the year where you need to mark your calendars and your Marc Jacobs outfits to what weekend benefit you're going to hit this coming summer.    If you ever saw that mini-series by Barbara Koppel "The Hamptons,"  you know it's all about the benefits.  What you wear, who you're seen with and what publication takes your picture!  Since there are so many benefits this summer, I'm going to break this into two parts this summer and give you the pluses the minuses of this summer's benefits.  

Kicking it all off on 5/26/12 is Miracle House Summer Kickoff - Miracle House is a non-profit extended stay facility that provides housing, counseling and support for those seeking treatment in NYC and need assistance.   The location is the Bridgehampton Surf an Tennis Club.. and this is a huge event.  While it started as an AIDS charity and therefore has a strong guy following,  it benefits everyone from young to old with any illness.  Tickets start at $300 and go up!  The best reason to go: Taylor Dayne will be performing live and it's a ton of fun for a great cause.  Potential Reason to skip it:  Most of the "boys" will be better dressed than you and in better shape! 

6/2/12 Southampton Fresh Air Home Sale and Auction Benefit Gala - Southampton FAH provides a camp experience for physically challenged youth with sailing, swimming, hiking, etc.   The benefit is held at their facility on Barkers Island Road in Southampton  It's one of the more mellow benefits of the season but it's a who's who's mixer for everyone in Southampton.   Tickets once again go for $300 and up.   The best reason to go:  The furniture in the silent auction is amazing stuff... they're are also great trips and everything from teeth whitening to fishing trips available! Potential reason to skip it:  The auction items here don't go for TJ Maxx prices (it's the Hamptons folks, people are generous) and the tooth whitening I won two years ago cost me like $20k after the dentist discovered my need for 3 root canals! 

6/16/12  The Retreat - Artists Against Abuse - The Retreat is a safe house for victims of family violence in addition to conducting educational outreach programs that advocate non-violence.   It's one of the more relaxed benefits of the summer and usually a great time!  The benefit will be held at the Ross School facilities on Butter Lane (same as last year). Tickets start at $150 for the pre-party and go up from there! The best reason to go: The ART !  Hello everyone from Dan Rizzi (this year's honoree) to April Gornick and Ross Bleckner have been featured at previous auctions.  The selection is amazing. Potential Reason to skip it:  Have you seen any work from Bob Ross of PBS fame? NO! Plus, add insult to injury, no potential fluorescent works to replace my Led Zepplin poster under the black lightt!!! 
                                                            
6/23/12 American Heart Association's Heart of the Hamptons - Widely recognized as a premier philanthropic and festive event in the Hamptons. The Heart of the Hamptons Ball has raised over $2.5 million for the American Heart Association since it began 15 years ago.   The event is held at the Hayground School in Bridgehampton on Mitchell’s Lane.  Tickets start at $500 and go up.    The best reason to go:  The Goody Bag is one of the best of the season!   Have you seen any wrinkles on my face lately!?  NO, that's because I got this amazing moisturizer in last years bag!   Potential Reason to skip it:   Just because you devour every passed hors d'ourves at the cocktail hour doesn't mean you have an inside track for winning those training sessions in the silent auction.  FAT ALARM!

Finally, according to their Faceboook page, the new and improved Red Horse Market is open for business!!! I'm totally psyched and once again Pasquale's fresh home made mozzarella will be a staple for my summer dinner parties.   The hours according to the page are 6am to 9pm!  How cool, I don't have to rush home from work to make a 6pm closing time!!  The phone is 631-324-9500 if you want more details! MANGIA!!!

Five Faux Pas of 2011.... or the Scratchiest Head Scratchers of the Year!

Well to every ying, there needs to be a yang... for every Batman there needs to be a Joker...for every East Hampton Patch there is a Hamptons Chatter and for every U2 there needs to be a Justin Bieber. In other words, you have to learn to take the good with the bad. So in response to the good stuff that we had out east last year, there were some less than stellar moments in the Hamptons. So starting with number 5 and going to number 1, I'm counting down the biggest mistakes in the Hamptons, 2011!

#5 The Empty Red Horse Market in East Hampton - What a waste to let a prime piece of Hamptons real estate sit for over a year totally vacant. It was last fall when Tutto Italiano shuttered its doors in this prime location only to leave shop owners in the center collecting cob webs on their registers. Well the only reason this isn't number one is

because it looks as if they finally have a new tenant there. Prime Meats, formerly of the over cooked and newly scorched Hamptons Market (personally I like uncharred non-burnt markets) moving into the new location along with Gurney's Bakery, a bread shop and a cheese vendor. Although, I heard it's the former Pasquale of Tutto Italiano as far as I know that is an unconfirmed. Let's hope they can stand the challenge if that Whole Foods really goes in the old Plitt Ford as rumored.

#4 The Carvel Drive Thru Window - Now, I love my soft serve and Cookie Puss Cakes as much as the next guy but I'm willing to park my Mercedees before I make a

dash for a vanilla cone with sprinkles. Hey, it would have been ok if you called even! I mean, it's in the store and it's not melting yet, so relax. In all seriousness, luckily nobody was hurt in this race for the cone. But don't you think Carvel should have just left it that way?!

#3 Rugosa - Ok, I checked in there once in 2010 and I was the "MAYOR" on Foursquare til the day they closed. Ok, so you're telling me I'm the only one who ate there!? I know, it looked like it. The food wasn't bad but the menu there was virtually impossible. While I don't know who owned Rugosa, I have to ask did they really think there was a big demand in the summer for "squab in plum sauce?" But even if you found something you could eat on the menu, while the food was actually pretty good the service was enough to make you beg for a scrap of bread or a "Hungry Man" tv dinner. So essentially 2011 was a mistake.


#2 LIPA's Hurricane Irene Recovery Plan - Ummmmm yeah, they'll be there to fix uh... the.. um.. what do you call it.. the uh...the power lines....ummmm... sometime between... ummmmmm... uh... later today and

next Saturday at 5pm! It was like they were getting their customer service playbook from Cablevision. But what LIPA screwed up this past year has been a boom for contractors on the east end. HOW? I have never met more people installing generators than I have in the past 3 months.

#1 THE MTK Festival or Music to Know - Ok guys, first mistake was did you ever look into how much it costs to rent a house or hotel room in the Hamptons during August?! Second, where were all these sort of Woodstockers going to sleep... pitch a tent on some lawn on Gin Lane? Third, the people who actually like Vampire Weekend for example (although I do but I'm very cool for my age) are probably working at the restaurants

and stores in August and they can't take off because it's busy! DUH! My suggestion, skip the music to know and give me music I already know. I would have paid to see The GO-GO's, The Pretenders or Duran Duran... or even Neil Diamond for G-d's sake. But that's just me and most of the 40 something friends I know. I'm forever stuck in the 80's and the rest are too tired learn anything new.