What's New in the Hamptons Hood '14... or What Happened While You Spent The Winter with People!

It has nothing to do with Nixon or Kung Fu pandadiplomacy.com

While the folks over at Curbed Hamptons talk about all the new restaurants this year, I decided to go a different direction and talk about all the other stuff!     Which calls to mind, I once had a very successful client in my car some time back talking about all things Hamptons.  As we drove by the East Hampton movie theatre he asked me, "Kung Fu Panda', what's that about?"   Really?  He wasn't kidding. Isn't it obvious that its a morality tale about a poor tailor and his struggle with alcoholism set in pre war Europe! UH... Kidding!  It's a frigging cartoon about a Panda that knows Kung Fu!   So, that being said, I wonder what they're going to think when they drive by Panda Diplomacy in Water Mill!   website.  It' looks pretty cool and I have no doubt it's what everyone will be wearing at The American Hotel this summer!  Ok, well maybe not there.  The wax museum has it's own separate dress code.  Well, for those of you that don't know it's a surfing apparel, boards and accessories store.   Located at 760 Montauk Highway in Water Mill, better known as the shopping center where there used to be Blockbuster-Citarella-Water Mill Cupcake-Avanti-Subway-Foodies and the soon to be opened West Elm Shopping Center.    If you want more info on surfing pandas, check out the

Citarella has hit Southampton!   While it's not a "full fledged" supermarket according to sources.   It is no doubt a welcome addition to a town that has the second worst supermarket in the Hamptons Walbaum's which only comes after Walbaum's in East Hampton.  The store got approved earlier this
month by the Southampton Village Planning board and quickly settled into their Hampton Street location.   While some locals have voiced their concern over the potential parking problems let me accentuate the positive, THEY HAVE FRESH FOOD!

Another newcomer is located on Main St. in Bridgehampton and it's called BLOW.  No, it's not that kind of place!  Get your minds out of the gutter people... this isn't Nevada!  It's a hair salon that's specializing in blow outs for ladies and the occasional puffy haired gentleman about to kick up their heels at the given Hamptons benefit!    If you want more information on getting glamours you can check out their website here!    If you want the other kind you need to get on a plane and head to Vegas or perhaps Amsterdam (ohhhh Amsterdam... more on that later... apparently the Dutch love the Hamptons).

If you're like me one of the greatest things about living out east is not the surf, the beaches, world class boating, golf or even the lack of good cell phone reception.   It's the fact we have some of the best damn food anywhere.  One of those that has a reputation of being the best of the best is Tate's Bakery and now they're selling their White Chocolate Macadamia cookies among other masterpieces
out of the Red Horse Market in East Hampton.  But if you're worried about your waistline  don't fret, the cookies are sugar, fat, calorie and dairy free.... NOT... if you have to read the calorie label, move on!   I have not doubt there is like 12 pounds of butter in each cookie but damn, they're awesome!   They make great chipwiches too... just in case you need more calories!

www.barrysbootcamp.com

But if you're worried about calories and such silliness, fear not Barry's Bootcamp is opening a new outlet in Amagansett this summer.    Yes, the home of sadistic (IMHO) workouts that burn tons of calories!  According to Racked.com  the location will feature healthy to go meals from Hu Kitchen.      Great news but I'll pass on the meals, there's a coconut cupcake (from Mary's) with my name on it!  The gym is located at 199 Montauk Highway, right behind Mary's Marvelous!   Did I mention Mary's coconut cupcake?  It's another Hamptons masterpiece and makes a great reward for just doing one of their  before I do one of their infamous 1000 calorie burning classes. UGH!

Finally one more thing new in the Hamptons this summer!  A deadly new tick born disease!  Goody!  I'm not going to bore or kill the mood by writing about it.  If you're curious let the kill joys at CBS News do it for you here.    In the meantime, i'm going to get some new panda surf clothes and eat my cookies and cupcakes in peace!

Hamptons Hostility... If you miss the city don't worry, there are plenty of unfriendly places here too!

I have an old friend named Hope, not that she's old but I've known her forever.  Anyway, she used to have this idea that New Yorkers are basically masochistic at heart.  They loved to be abused.  She often toyed with the idea of opening a restaurant named "Insults,"  where diners can come for a good meal and get insulted as they dine.  Now, I personally loved the idea, I knew it would be successful too!  I mean it took the term "home style" to the next level!  It was like a Saturday night at my house growing up!!!    

Anyway, this theory explains why some of the most popular places on the East End are some of it's most unfriendly!  So where, who , why?   Here is my list; THE TOP 5... Hostile Hamptons Hot Spots!!!

Normal people sit over there!  We will ignore you!

1) Navy Beach - Sure the views are great and the crowd is good looking but unless you're hanging with Giselle or Kate Upton you can forget about getting decent service.   I went a few days ago with some of my middle aged friends, yeah the ones in their early 40's and late 30's.  We couldn't get the waitress' attention for anything.   The food came out sporadically, some had food others didn't.  When we asked management, it was brought to our attention that the order was too confusing so it was our fault half of us weren't being fed!   As for getting a second round of drinks, I would have been better off going to Gossman's to get them.  

2) Citarella East Hampton - "Excuse me mam' if I could get a half pound of the Alpine Lace Low Fat Swiss."  "Excuse me.. ?"   "Excuse me mam'?!"  "Can I get... (she cuts me off) "YEAH I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME."   Charming!  But if only this were an isolated incident.   While the guys in the fish department are actually friendly, it doesn't make up for the rest of the store.  I guess if you don't enjoy your job, you're not exactly smiling to the customers. There must be a lot of unhappy people at Citarella.

3) Goldberg's Bagels (Southampton) -  To me the Goldberg's in Southampton is last chance to get a cup of coffee before hitting the highway.  But yet, it's nothing like going into the Bagdad Cafe.   It's surly city with an exclamation point!!!   But unlike other establishments,  I know, I actually think I got a handle on why they're not happy flipping their flagels!     It's the fear of working too close to 27 and the terror they live with that a speeding BMW may one day careen off the highway and create a drive in window!   Meanwhile, if you go to Goldberg's in East Hampton, FRIENDLY, FRIENDLY, FRIENDLY.   So I know my 27 theory must be the reason!

GROUND ZERO FOR HOSTILITY!

4) East Hampton Parking lot behind Walbaum's - I know it's not me but EVERYONE in that lot is nasty.  Perhaps the fact it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground has something to do with it!   It starts with the aggressive drivers and trickles right down to the overly aggressive "brownies" who are no doubt getting paid in Clearasil.  The biggest mystery to me is how it could be the nicest beach day of the year....  and that lot will still be packed!!!   WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SHOPPING NOW!?!?  Do it in the city, it's easier!  Perhaps the heart of the unfriendly is the actual Walbaum's!   Everyone in this place is either annoyed or uninterested!  I never went to a Soviet grocery store during the cold war but I imagine it must have been a lot like this; long lines, hostile help and lousy produce... in my opinion anyway.

5) Pierre's Cafe Bridgehampton - Do I really need to elaborate? It's French!  I'm talking about the little walk in place next door to the restaurant.    It's a little bit of Paris right in the heart of the Hamptons, "you stupid American!"

Two bucks will get you on the subway, but fresh garlic will get you a seat. I know where to buy it and announcing THE EAST HAMPTON GRILL!

Well, now that we all know that Della Famina is soon to be no more... I can tell you that the Hillstone Group the

people behind Houstons will soon be opening "THE EAST HAMPTON GRILL." I'll assume it's to be much like the PALM BEACH GRILL which the company owns and currently operates in that "OTHER" resort area. I only hope one thing, they have the Slow Roasted Pork Ribs, the Spinach artichoke dip and the crab cakes! It's funny but I've never heard so much buzz or excitement about the opening of a new restaurant in the Hamptons like I have about this. Sure NOBU is going to Southampton but as I said before, the lines will be longer at The East Hampton Grill!


Citarella is getting a run for it's money as Mike and Sandy DeGennaro, who own Long Wharf Wines in Sag Harbor and Southampton Wines at Water Mill Shops and Muse Restaurant & Aquatic Lounge chef Matthew Guiffrida have finally opened their long awaited AVANTI CULINARY MARKET.

Located at the site of the old Citerellas in Water Mill, I went to the shopping center the other day to buy cupcakes for a friend's birthday (at Water Mill Cupcakes) and ended up strolling through what is one of the best epicurean (thank you spell check) centers in the Hamptons. The prices are more than competitive with the other gourmet shops in the Hamptons but the staff was over the top helpful!! The selection of seafood and meats were well stocked but I was bowled over by the extensive selection of herbs and spices (why do I sound like I'm talking about KFC) with the slick and cool packaging.

Posted via email from pjmhamptons's posterous

To be perfectly honest, I didn't try much of the prepared foods since I'm currently trying to squeeze into my 29" waist speedo so I can't comment. But I did try the tuna which the chef offered to turn into freshly prepared "tuna tare tare." It was probably the best I ever had! To make a long story longer or shorter, AVANTI is now open visit their website for more details. But why do that... just go... EAT!

Sayonara, Saks and Citarella (Water Mill)! There's some major shake ups in the Hamptons retail world!!

Well here's a move that kind of had me blindsided. Saks Fifth Avenue will shutter their Southampton store as of this Sunday! So, what does this mean to you and me... not much but if you think you're going to go head over and get some Jimmy Choo's for a song guess again. Is anything on sale then? Well not according to my sources. The gossip around town has everyone going into the spot from J. Crew to Ralph Lauren to Saunders real estate. So far nothing confirmed but for the ladies of the Hamptons, Riverhead will soon be the place to be! HA!


Now as for the other retail news which is less of a shocker, Citarella will close their Water Mill store as of this Sunday. So far, the employees don't know if they'll be kept and moved to other locations. They're all waiting to hear! Meanwhile, an informed source tells me there will still be produce in the Ghost Town Shopping Mall .... a new concept organic grocery is set to move into the location soon after it's vacated. No, it's not a Fresh Foods or anything like that. It's an original and a new concept. I'll have more details soon!



Meanwhile, a little broker gossip; what Shelter Island agent is so reviled.... this person's nick name is Count Chocula! Apparently because of an uncanny resemblence to a sugar coated breakfast icon! Pluck the eyebrows!

Hello sweeties!!!

So I've been in the Hamptons full time now for about 6 years and I'm still sane. While there are some things I don't miss at all about NYC, the noise, the traffic and Time Warner Cable ("we'll be there sometime between 8am and 6pm"). One thing I do miss is a good cupcake. I used to live down the street from SOUTINE bakery on W.70th and every now and then would stop by for one of their buttery creamy treats. While they were good, my favorites were always CRUMBS and CUPCAKE CAFE.

Now, I know there is a debate raging about MAGNOLIA BAKERY vs. CUPCAKE CAFE but to me it's no contest. I prefer buttery over super sugary sweet and CUPCAKE CAFE is the winner. Now, my dilemma... there is no debate over cupcakes going on in the Hamptons there are only two choices. Citarella and Mary's Marvelous. Yes, there are some from CRUMBS in the city available at Scoop Du Jour but only on weekends and I'm a full-time purist folks!!! But let's not get off track here!!!

Citarella's aren't bad, they're actually pretty good but they're not in the same league as the ones from MARY'S MARVELOUS in Amagansett!!! Mary's cupcakes are the best in town now.... this because Ina Garten shuttered the BAREFOOT CONTESSA a few years ago! But you know Mary's hold their own. Her coconut cupcakes are my favorite and just as good as Ina's were back in the day! Now I know Ina now sells here mixes at the grocery store but these confections are always awful! but that's not Ina's fault, I cant cook even with a mix!

In short Mary's cupcakes are indeed MARVELOUS!!! So are her Scones and most everything else in the shop as well. So why am I thinking about cupcakes? Because I'm trying to cut out the carbs and cupcakes are all I can think of! Oh and my cousin Eileen's home made sticky buns!!! Hello Jenny Craig!

Week 2 of summer 2009....

Artist John Kneapler and Sotheby's (the real Sotheby's not the franchised real estate company) Benjamin Dollar

It was a busy day yesterday for me. My small outdoor cookout somehow ended up with 12 people for a sit down dinner. I just don't know how things like this happen. In this summer... casual cookouts... OUT .. sit down dinners.. but more on that in a minute.

I began the evening in Sag Harbor. My friend John Kneapler had his opening night reception for his collection "Hampton Beaches" at THE GALLERY, 125 Main St., Sag Harbor. Congrats John on a great show!!! I won't dare make any
comments about your work... although I was really impressed. My idea of art still consists of the B+W framed photos at Pottery Barn Outlet. So, what I will do is a little critique on the food and wine from last night. The cheese was sublime and the chardonnay had a buttery, earthy and rich taste, not your typical sweet California Chardonnay. It had more of an organic flavor and a fuller texture.

In the meantime.. go see John's work it's really quite special. His show runs at THE GALLERY til July 5th. http://www.thegallerysagharbor.com/


Well the trends for the summer of '09 are already establishing themselves... I hope to update you more and more as the summer progresses.

-IN
Shopping at Tommy Hilfiger in EH!

-OUT
Buying at Tommy Hilfiger in EH!

-IN
Citarella's in Bridgehampton

-OUT
King Kullen

- IN
Enjoying LIFE!

- OUT
Crossing the streets in East Hampton Village without looking!

-In
Peanut Butter (Natural)

-Out
Jams and Jelly - hello?! The Carbs!

-In
Madonna spottings and paparazzi attacks

-Out
Madonna's music

- In
Georgica Saturday Night

- Out
The Hess Station Wainscott Saturday Night

-IN
BCBG Max Azria & J Crew

-OUT
Elie Tahari and Theory

-IN
Tuto Italiano's Pizza

-OUT
Frozen Tombstone from Walbaum's

-IN
The new spin bikes at Zone Hampton

-OUT
Riding a bike on the shoulder of 27 not realizing the drivers are busy texting on their phones!!

So there you have the current trends... More to come and this week.. the latest on RUGOSA, BLUE PARROTT AND SOME GOOD REAL ESTATE DEALS!

IT'S NOT TOO LATE.... IDEAS OF WHAT TO DO THIS WEEKEND!!!

(Bethany Frankel of Real Housewives of NYC)

GUYS SORRY I TOOK YESTERDAY OFF! What's going on this weekend in the Hamptons??? The top event for me this weekend will be the MIRACLE HOUSE SUMMER KICKOFF PARTY ! Miracle House is a non-profit organization that provides temporary housing, meals, and advocacy to caregivers and patients coming to New York City for critical medical treatment. Their services consist of three major components: temporary housing, counseling and advocacy!

The event is this Saturday starting at 6 pm til 8 pm at Bridgehampton Tennis and Surf Club for cocktails hosted by Bethany Frankel of Bravo's THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY.. and singer Jennifer Holliday. If the event goes well... we can hope for a good NYC HOUSEWIFE CAT FIGHT!!! This is followed by a V.I.P. dinner beginning at 8pm. I encourage you to go to the website for MIRACLE HOUSE http://www.miraclehouse.org/index.html to learn more about MIRACLE HOUSE and get the details on this amazing amazing organization.



If you're not going to the dinner you can get caught in what I have no doubt will be another wonderful bump in the already rocky road of what is known as the parking lot of Route 27!!! The former Hampton market in Bridgehampton is now the site of the third Hamptons CITARELLA.. YEAH!!! Now traffic can be backed up straight from Watermill to Ocean Rd. Listen let's be honest most city residents don't drive... they use their cars two days a week .. summers only ... and think it's always a good idea to completely stop their car before making a right hand turn off of a busy highway!!! Except the people who work with me... they're all good drivers... me too!! Look at those treats in the picture above, they're worth the points on your license and higher insurance premium!!! They also think it's ok to hit their brakes suddenly to see if they really is that person from their spin class at the gym. Hey, I get it.. i used to be a city driver too... but I have more experience at being a good driver... I'm originally from New Jersey!!!

Finally... who said you can't find a deal in East Hampton village... right now.. there's a newly constructed home with 5 bed, 5 bath, on a half acre with gunite pool and garage... just reduced by $1,500,000 and priced close to $2 million. e mail me if you want details! patrick.mclaughlin@elliman.com